The Simpsons quotes

Homer

[monotonous] Zombie kill!

Bart

Not kill, play!

Homer

[sullen] Zombie file grievance.

[furious] You horribly injured the fire department!

Homer

What are you, a travel agent? Because you're sending me on a guilt trip.

Kent Brockman

While our brave firemen recuperate, Springfield is a town without a fire department -- which is bad news for people like this man. [camera pans out to show man trapped in a burning house] Sir! How does it feel knowing that no one is coming to save you?

Not as bad as knowing that somewhere gays are marrying each other! That's the real emergency, Kent.

Apu is dead! He has been reincarnated as this cat.

Ha! You have just been Apu'd!

Homer

How come things that happen to stupid people keep happening to me?!

Lisa

Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? [he does] Corn. [again] More corn. [again] Another kid getting thrown in the air. [again] Witches' coven. [again] Seattle Space Needle. [again] Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. [again] Oh, I'm getting dizzy. [again] And corn again.

Homer

[turns red in anger] Why, you little-- [strangles Bart] I'll teach you to trick your sister! [grunting while strangling Bart then being constricted by Strangles and changes color]

Marge

Homer, can you breathe?

Homer

Well, I can breathe out okay. [now really struggling to breathe] Don't give snake attention. It’s what he really-[turns red and falls to the ground] I'm okay!

Homer

[gasp] It's the cops, act normal! [places a banana peel on his head; woman's voice impersonation] Oooh, hello officer!

Ahh, good afternoon ma'am. [sigh] What is it about a woman in a dumpster?

Good work, Lisa!

Bart

What about me?!

[cocks pistol and aims at Bart's head] Bart Simpson, 12 minutes ago you made a very annoying prank phone call to me. All units move in! [Vehicles and soldiers move into the room from everywhere with guns aimed at Bart.] I pulled every single agent off of all other cases to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough decision but I think I made the right call. [nuke goes off in the distance; crowd gasps and murmurs] Oh, it's okay. That was Shelbyville. [crowd sighs with relief]

Marge

Oh hi kids, you're just in time to go to the dentist!

Bart

DENTIST?! You said we were going to ride dirt bikes around the cemetery!

Lisa

Oh, Bart, you fall for that every six months.

Homer

[Pulls up on a dirt bike] Hey, suckers, check it out -- Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery!

Lisa

You're going to the dentist too, Dad.

Homer

[disappointed] Why the cemetery, I wondered? But my dreams were too strong...

Here's a free tooth-brush! Keep those teeth clean! [handing Bart a bag]

Bart

So you're saying I should do your job, for you, at home, for free? You wish! [Throws the bag in the trash can]

Homer

What the hell is a Fundae?

It's a Sundae that's fun!

Homer

[Yelling] I like that! [Talking normally] But I'm on a bit of a health kick so I'll take the low fat vanilla, with the following mix-ins; Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlotte-ville chew, Nice and Many, Kat-Kit, Herschel Smooches, Mrs. Bad-Bar and Milk-Dudes.

This is Fox News, with the latest Liberal Outrage. It seems liberals want to give NASA the right to abort space missions whenever they feel like it!

Homer

Liberals, I hate them so much!

Mr. Burns

Now let's enjoy the Miami of Canada -- Chicago!

Okay Homer, I don't know anything about planes, but I know about you. You have what made America great: no understanding of the limits of your power and a complete lack of concern for what anyone thinks of you. So you'll land that plane. And do you know why? Because I heard some guy say you couldn't.

Homer

What! I'll show him. I'll show that guy!

Marge

What are you doing? You don't know how to fly a plane!

Homer

I once drove a car off a cliff. How hard can it be? Hmm..., what's the ocean doing in the sky?