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8 SEASONS

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Monk quotes

667 quotes · 39 characters · page 1 of 45

Monk

Characters

Adrian MonkTony Shalhoub · 475 quotes Captain Leland StottlemeyerTed Levine · 239 quotes Natalie TeegerTraylor Howard · 203 quotes Sharona FlemingBitty Schram · 111 quotes Lt. DisherJason Gray-Stanford · 100 quotes Lt. Randall DisherJason Gray-Stanford · 68 quotes Dr. Charles KrogerStanley Kamel · 17 quotes Julie TeegerEmmy Clarke · 13 quotes BFBenjy Fleming12 quotes Jack MonkDan Hedaya · 12 quotes Harold KrenshawTim Bagley · 7 quotes DBDale Biederbeck6 quotes Dr. Neven BellHéctor Elizondo · 5 quotes Agent ColmesRick Hoffman · 4 quotes Ambrose MonkJohn Turturro · 4 quotes Joe ChristieEnrico Colantoni · 4 quotes Karl ToriniSteve Valentine · 4 quotes Kevin DorfmanJarrad Paul · 4 quotes Marty EelsJason Alexander · 4 quotes Max HudsonSteven Weber · 4 quotes Roddy LankmanJohn Michael Higgins · 4 quotes Agent GroomsJosh Stamberg · 3 quotes Chris DowneyMark Sheppard · 3 quotes Dexter LarsenGary Cole · 3 quotes Dr. Christiaan VezzaJuan Chioran · 3 quotes FOFarmhand Oates3 quotes Gail FlemingAmy Sedaris · 3 quotes Jake PhillipsBrad Garrett · 3 quotes James NovakEric McCormack · 3 quotes J.JLara Wickes · 3 quotes Judge Ethan RickoverCraig T. Nelson · 3 quotes Kathy WillowbyFaith Prince · 3 quotes Little WillieDanny Woodburn · 3 quotes Miranda St. ClaireGail O'Grady · 3 quotes Paul BuchananSean Astin · 3 quotes Lt. Randy DisherJason Gray-Stanford · 3 quotes Samuel WaingayaAdewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje · 3 quotes Sherry JuddDonna Bullock · 3 quotes Val BirchLarry Brandenburg · 3 quotes

Most scenes together: Adrian Monk & Natalie Teeger (162), Adrian Monk & Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (140), Adrian Monk & Sharona Fleming (82)

S1 E1Mr. Monk and the Candidate

[surveying a crime scene] The stove.

LGLt. Gitomer

Over here. It's in the kitchen.

No... I mean my stove. I-I think I left it on.

It's okay. I, uh, checked it as we were leaving.

Are you sure? Did you turn the knob?

The little knob, though?

I turned all the knobs. The stove is off, Adrian.

LGLt. Gitomer

We believe it was a burglary gone sour. She walked in, she surprised him, he panicked, he left there from the kitchen.

No. No. No, no. No. No. This-This was no burglary.

LGLt. Gitomer

It wasn't?

He tried to make it look like one, but this guy was cold as ice. He wore her slippers to avoid leaving shoe prints - not something your neighborhood crackhead is prone to do.

Adrian. Adrian. [she claps her hands to try to get Monk's attention]

[looking at the closet] He was in here. He was waiting.

LGLt. Gitomer

Waiting for what?

You know, for her. He was here at least an hour. He was smoking. You can still smell it on the curtains. [sniffs the curtains] Menthols. Salems. Possibly Newports.

LGLt. Gitomer

Maybe she was the smoker.

No. No, she was a Dutch Calvinist. They don't smoke. They consider their bodies to be a holy - a holy chalice of - [turns to Sharona] I'm sorry. I'm having trouble concentrating, because I think I smell gas. Did you hear the click? You gotta hear the click, not just feel the click. Hear it. [to the other detectives]

[Monk is silently wandering around a crime scene.]

PPolicewoman

What's he doing?

I love this part. He does this Zen Sherlock Holmes thing.

[Deputy Mayor Sheldon Burger comes in]

Oh, Sheldon Burger, who let you off your leash?

SBSheldon Burger

I just came from the hospital. Bodyguard didn't make it. Mayor's on his way back from Sacramento. Look, I don't have to tell you, Captain. We're on a bus to hell.

I understand.

SBSheldon Burger

If we don't slam dunk this, it's gonna look like we're not trying.

I'm not an idiot, Sheldon! I've got every available man on the case.

SBSheldon Burger

No, you don't. Mayor wants you to bring in... your old friend.

[in disbelief] Monk?

Let me ask you a question. How can you investigate anything? I'm told you're "germophobic," afraid of the dark, heights, crowds... and milk.

We're working on the milk. He's making good progress on milk.

Mrs. St. Claire, I - I sense that you're a little upset, but I can tell you why I dropped my keys. I've been a bit preoccupied with another case. A girl was murdered in Santa Clara. Uh, a Nicole Vasques. Did you know her?

S1 E2Mr. Monk and the Psychic

[?Dirt-fearing Monk is standing a distance from the muddy car crash site on a plank.]

Adrian! Don't you want a closer look?

No, I-I can see from here.

Would you like us to move the crash site a little closer to you?

[Capt. Stottlemeyer returns to his office to find Monk and Sharona waiting inside.]

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was my office. Yeah, see, I-I'm confused because my name is on the door.

Don't... don't blame Sharona, Captain.

I have no intention of blaming Sharona. [looks at his desk, which has been cleaned off] What happened here?

I took the liberty of straightening up a little.

Where is all my crap?

Obviously, I had to throw some things away.

[Monk is looking for some evidence in a hardware store.]

It's a small pebble. It's about the size... of a... small pebble.

[Monk finds the crucial piece of evidence lodged in his hair after Sharona has been rooting around in a dumpster for it.]

Oh, wait. I found it.

Where was it?!

It was in my... it must have flown up and got caught in my...

[hits the side of the dumpster] GO-OD! I can't believe I listened to you! You're driving me nuts!

You gotta be a little skeptical, Sharona. Otherwise you end up believing in everything -- UFOs, elves, income tax rebates...

S1 E3Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale

[first lines]

[A call comes in to the 911 dispatch center]

9O911 Operator

911 emergency.

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

Oh, God! He's in the house. You've got to help me! He's going to kill me!

9O911 Operator

Okay, ma'am, now just calm down. Who is in the house?

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

It's Dale Biederbeck! Dale Biederbeck!

9O911 Operator

[types] "Dale... Biederbeck." Ma'am what is your address?

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

It's 415 Vinton! For God's sakes, hurry!

9O911 Operator

Okay, stay with me. Is he armed? Ma'am? [heavy breathing is heard on the phone] Does he have a weapon? Are you being threatened?

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

He doesn't need a weapon! He's Dale Biederbeck! [growling is heard on the line as a dispatch call is broadcast]

9O911 Operator #2

All units, possible 556 in progress.

9O911 Operator #1

Ma'am, can you get to a safe place?

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

No, I'm upstairs! I'm trapped!

9O911 Operator

Okay, ma'am. Just stay by the phone.

JLJudge Lavinio's voice

Here he comes! Oh, my God! [screams, and the line disconnects]

[Looking around the house, Monk spots the pried-open smoke alarm]

What's--what's with this?

That's a smoke alarm. She was in the kitchen cooking something when he broke in. It started to burn.

A little girl across the street saw the guy turning it off.

So there was a witness?

She's 10 years old. She didn't see much.

So the perp breaks in. He goes berserk in here. The victim runs upstairs and calls 911.

It's strange.

What's strange?

The phone. He didn't take the phone off the hook. So, what? He just let her call 911? [Monk inspects the kitchen. He finds a few leftovers in the fridge] Any prints?

Nope, nothing so far.

So, she's here cooking. He breaks in. He's a big guy. Lot of noise.

He must've cornered her in here, and then chased her out and caught up with her in the bedroom?

I would've grabbed a knife. [points to the knife rack] Why didn't she grab a knife?

I don't know. [Monk observes the bedroom] She was over here on the phone. Severe blunt trauma to the head with a baseball bat. [Monk eyes one of the phones]

Has this phone been touched?

No, no. The scene's intact. [Monk holds the phone with a handkerchief to avoid contaminating fingerprints; he punches a button on the receiver but only gets static until he pulls up the antenna]

The antenna has to be up to get a signal in here.

Somebody lowered it all the way after the call. You don't usually see that when someone's getting bludgeoned to death.

[Dale is on the phone]

MOMan on phone

I'm sorry, Mr. Biederbeck, that's out of the question.

DBDale "The Whale" Biederbeck

Hold on. Hold on. Now is it Danny or Daniel?

MOMan on phone

Danny, sir.

DBDale "The Whale" Biederbeck

Fine, Danny. If you screw with me. I'll eat your heart on a stick. Now the SEC--

MOMan on phone

My boss is busy right now, sir.

DBDale "The Whale" Biederbeck

I know your boss is busy, Danny! I'm watching him. Tell him Dale Biederbeck wants an answer now, not later. Now! Is he in or out? If he's in, tell him to... clean his glasses. [At a conference on the TV, an aide whispers to a congressman and the congressman quickly removes his glasses and cleans them] Congratulate the congressman, he's just been reelected to a fifth term. [He chuckles, turns off his phone and reaches for a plate of corndogs] Oh, it's better than the Home Shopping Network. [Dr. Vezza takes the plate away from him]

DBDale "The Whale" Biederbeck

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not finished!

This stuff will kill you.

DBDale "The Whale" Biederbeck

I'm not gonna die. You won't let me, will you, Doctor?

[riding up to meet Dale the Whale for the first time]

Dale Biederbeck?

They call him Dale the Whale.

I never heard of him.

He spends a fortune every year making sure nobody ever hears of him. He buys newspapers just to keep his name out of them. [they get off the elevator, their movements monitored by a camera] All right, I want everybody to be careful in there. This guy is smart. He's gonna try to bait you. Assume you're being videotaped. Do not accuse him of anything. Now, Monk, I don't have to remind you that this bastard's got deep pockets, and he's got a platoon of lawyers and he loves to use them.

You met him? What happened? [They are interrupted by Dr. Vezza's arrival]

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