Ambrose Monk quotes from Monk

Sharona Fleming

Ambrose, come with us.

Ambrose Monk

Outside? Oh no, I can't.

Sharona Fleming

You're just gonna hide in this house for the rest of your life?

Ambrose Monk

That's my plan, yes.

Adrian Monk

This is my assistant, Sharona.

Ambrose Monk

Hello, we spoke on the phone.

Adrian Monk

Oh, so you can dial a telephone! I was worried. I thought you might be paralyzed, or something.

Ambrose Monk

I wasn't paralyzed.

Adrian Monk

I was being sarcastic.

Ambrose Monk

You were being sardonic. Sarcasm is a contemptuous ironic statement. You were being mockingly derisive. That's sardonic.

Adrian Monk

He [van Ranken] was at the park all last night.

Sharona Fleming

Maybe to bury something.

Ambrose Monk

Yes, he was parked by the southern entrance.

Sharona Fleming

How do you know that?

Ambrose Monk

It's obvious. Why don't you tell her, Adrian?

Adrian Monk

Um...

Ambrose Monk

The yellow acorns on his truck, which can only mean he was parked under a spotted oak tree...

Sharona Fleming

Wow.

Ambrose Monk

Which are found...

Adrian Monk

Um...

Ambrose Monk

Near water...

Sharona Fleming

Wow.

Ambrose Monk

Which means, he parked by the river, at the southern entrance.

Sharona Fleming

Wow!

Adrian Monk

Please stop staying "wow."

Ambrose Monk

This detective stuff is easy.

Sharona Fleming

Looks like you got a new partner.

Adrian Monk

Yeah, for any crime committed within thirty feet of this property.

Natalie Teeger

[looking at an old photo album, specifically, a photo of Jack, Sr. with a turtle] Is that your father?

Ambrose Monk

Oh, that's him and Ambrose.

Natalie Teeger

He named the turtle after you?

Ambrose Monk

He named me after the turtle.