Jack MonkWhat I want? Two things. A: forgive me. Forgive your father. I was negligent and I was selfish, and I'm very sorry. And B is: get me the hell outta Dodge. But if you can only do one, I'll take B. I gotta be in Phoenix in the morning.
Played by Dan Hedaya
Monk · 667 quotes
Tied for 9th most-quoted character in Monk: in 12 of its 667 quotes
Most scenes with: Adrian Monk (9)
Lines by Jack Monk 1
Jack MonkScenes with Jack Monk 11
HCHolding Cell Inmate
What are you doing?
Jack MonkI'm speed-reading.
HCHolding Cell Inmate
What's your rush?
Jack MonkI'm old.
HCHolding Cell Cop
Jack Monk, your son is here.
[Jack stands up and sees Stottlemeyer]
Jack MonkI'm looking at you, but I see your mother.
Uh, no sir, I'm Captain Stottlemeyer. This is Adrian.
Jack Monk[Covering] That man looks just like your mother!
[Jack and Adrian's truck is careening down the hill, out of control]
Jack MonkI gotta say something: I'm sorry! I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and Ambrose! I'm so sorry! Oh, I'm a bad father! That's all that matters!
MMonk
You're not a bad father! Look at Jack, Jr.!
Jack MonkHe's a putz!
MMonk
What?
Jack MonkActually, he's not even a putz! He dreams one day of becoming a putz! He lives downstairs in my basement, he smokes pot all day long, he steals money from my wallet!
MMonk
He's not a doctor?
Jack MonkNo, I made it all up! I lied! I wanted to have a son I could be proud of! I didn't know I had one in San Francisco.
[Monk has caught an escaped convict hiding in his apartment. Unable to get his pistol lockbox open in time, he just hits the convict over the head with it]
MMonk
Don't move! There's a gun in here! Take my word for it.
?"Joe Endicott"
Adrian, wait! Who are you calling?
MMonk
Who do you think?
?"Joe Endicott"
No, wait! You don't want to do that!
MMonk
I don't, huh?
?"Joe Endicott"
No, come on! Put the phone down, and-and the "gun"!
MMonk
Give me one good reason.
JMJack Monk, Jr.
I'M YOUR BROTHER!
JMJack Monk, Jr.
I'm a con-man, I'm a grifter. I'm a lovable rogue!
MMonk
A lovable rogue? People don’t call themselves "lovable rogues".
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Lovable rogues do.
[Jack is explaining how he escaped]
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Come on, I didn't kill that woman! I crawled through the sewer, when I got to the parking lot, she was already dead!
MMonk
Wait, wait, wait, go back... you crawled through the what-what?
JMJack Monk, Jr.
I crawled through the sewer, that's how I escaped...
MMonk
No, wait, go back... you crawled, through the what?
JMJack Monk, Jr.
The sewer.
MMonk
Wait... [whimpers] Go back.
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Just one phone call. For old time's sake.
MMonk
We don't have any old times.
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Sure we do. Come on, remember... oh, remember in the hallway, when you hit me over the head with that metal box?
MMonk
That was a half hour ago!
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Yeah, well it's something. I mean, it's a start.
MMonk
Jack, was he a good father?
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Look at us, what do you think?
MMonk
Was he a bad father?
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Look at us, what do you think?
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Hand to God--
MMonk
God doesn't wanna see your hand!
[Adrian, Jack, and Natalie are leaving after interviewing Reese]
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Are you sure?
MMonk
I'm 80% sure he's the guy. [Reese immediately opens fire on them from the roof and they dive behind a tool rack] I'm 95% sure!
MMonk
He's my brother.
JMJack Monk, Jr.
Half-brother.
MMonk
I'm rounding up.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.