Marty Eels quotes from Monk

Marty Eels

Monk, Monk, sit. Sit anywhere.

Adrian Monk

Oh that's okay, I'm not fine.

Marty Eels

[to Natalie] Did he just say he's not fine?

Natalie Teeger

Yes.

Marty Eels

So Captain, am I on the case, or what?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Listen, I need to ask you a couple of questions.

Marty Eels

Sure.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Where were you yesterday morning at eight o'clock?

Marty Eels

You mean when the robbery was happening? Why? Because you can't keep up with me on a crime scene?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Where were you, Marty?

Marty Eels

[pouring them coffee] I was at the hospital. Saint Andrew's. They thought I had a concussion.

Lt. Randall Disher

What happened?

Marty Eels

Well, it's kind of embarrassing. I got hit very hard by a client--hit me very hard. Yeah. I--I was supposed to follow his wife and take pictures. [hands them a file with photos of a terrified man and woman in bed]

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Whoa! She was cheating on him.

Marty Eels

No, no. That's him. That's my client.

Natalie Teeger

[incredulously] You burst in and took a picture of a man in bed with his own wife?

Marty Eels

Yes I did. I made a mistake. I'm human! So the bottom line is that I was at the hospital when the jewelry thing was happening. You can call them.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

We will.

Marty Eels

Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm this good?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Because, Marty, you were never this good before. In fact you sort of sucked.

Marty Eels

He was trying to tell us the name of the man who killed him. Look. [points using his tree branch] He's pointing to his watch.

Adrian Monk

No. He's not, Captain.

Marty Eels

Are there any perps who'd do a job like this by the name of--Casio?

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Casio?

Marty Eels

Lefty? [thinks] Dial?

Lt. Randy Disher

Eddie Dial? He just did seven years in Fulsom Prison for kidnapping and bank robbery; he just made parole.

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer

Well let's check him out.

Monk

Bay Area Center continuing education; is that a correspondence school?

Marty Eels

It's fully accredited...What school did you go to?

Monk

Berkeley.

Marty Eels

That's a good school....I believe they're fully accredited too.