[Monk and Natalie enter the studio]
J.J.Oh, hello.
Hello, there. Yeah. Who is this?
This is Natalie. She’s my assistant.
I think I need a little assistance.
I think I need some assistance!
Give a little twirl, Natalie.
[As a small sound effect plays on J.J.'s computer] "No, thank you." Okay, she’s feisty! She’s brassy, she’s sassy, she’s got gusto!
Sassy, brassy, but she won’t show her...
I like it! Doing the neck crank. You can’t see it, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I talked to this guy last night. He wants to talk to me about what happened to Jeanette.
Why don’t we talk about that after the show?
You don’t get it, sugarbumps: here is the show. My life is the show. Detective, why don’t you have a seat, please? Somebody give him some headphones, please.
[J.J. hands Monk a set of headphones]
J.J.
Here you go, buddy.
J.J.
This is exciting!
[Snaps his fingers in Natalie's direction] Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe.
[J.J. records and plays Monk's voice back. Monk wipes down his headset]
Okay, folks, you've got to see this. Uh, first of all, his shirt is buttoned up to his eyeballs, and he’s swabbing out his headphones with a baby wipe.
This is not a baby wipe. This is…this is an adult wipe.
J.J.
You've gotta know the difference.
J.J.
Hey, Adrian, let me ask you something. When you go to a crime scene, do you take a police car or a short yellow bus? [Max claps happily with approval]
Mr. Monk, you don’t have to answer that.
No, no, I’ll be happy to. I’ll be happy to answer that. Natalie drives me.
Oh, I bet she does. [J.J. plays a sexy woman’s sound. Natalie glares at them, mortified] She’s driving me, baby.
J.J.
Natalie.
I want to change your tires.
J.J.
Natalie.
[Monk puts a wipe over his microphone, causing static feedback in the jockeys' headsets]
MJMax, J.J. and Little Willie
Ow! Ow!
JJJ.J. and Little Willie
Ow! Oooh!
This guy’s great. He’s possessed.
J.J.
[Raises fist] Yo, Adrian!
[The jockeys burst out laughing, until Max signals for them to stop]
J.J.
What is going on there?
Okay, we just lost a third of our audience. All righty, then! So, just for the record, you’re here because of my sister-in-law?
That’s right, Loony Linda, who thinks I murdered my wife. Isn’t that charming?
J.J.
Adrian, I thought you’d like to know that the last guy who wore those headphones had head lice.
[Monk immediately throws off his headset and runs out of the studio]
Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe, wipe!
RMRadio men
Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe! Wipe!
[Monk grabs Natalie's purse as he leaves]
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
I agree, I should be. But I’m not! [She walks out of the booth]
J.J.
Oh! And there, we’ve got the view. [Natalie turns around to cast a disgusted look at them before closing the door]
There she goes. She gave us a twirl.
Monk · 667 quotes
