Karl Torini quotes from Monk

Monk

Hey, hey, Karl with a "K."

Karl

Hey, Mr. Monk.

Oh, hell, he's back.

Monk

Hey, Chucky. You missed a spot. [Comes up to the table] Captain, can you believe it's been a year already?

You know, Mr. Monk, I told you you can test those smoke alarms at home by yourself.

Monk

Yes, I know but, I'd rather you guys did it. You're the experts, right?

House fire, three alarm. Mr. Monk, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait.

Monk

Captain, I was here first.

Sir, there is a house burning down five blocks away! Don't you think that should take a priority right now?

Monk

Uhhhh...

Don't you?

Monk

I don't know.

Let's go! [The engine starts to drive away]

Monk

OK, but I haven't got all day!

Karl Torini

[To the ringleader] I'll trade you: your watch for... [cups his hands, and when he opens them, a little chick comes out] ...this chick.

He says, "give it back".

Karl Torini

Awwww! Don't you like chicks! [Hides the chick. The ringleader says something more threateningly]

He says he will make this bullet disappear in your skull! Where is the watch?

Karl Torini

That's a good question. Why don't you ask him? [Points to one of the other henchmen, who has suddenly acquired the ringleader's watch. He hands it to Torini, who then hangs it over the barrel of the ringleader's gun. The ringleader puts his gun away and produces some bags of heroin] How much?

70 kilos. It is our biggest shipment yet.

Karl Torini

Applause, applause, applause. [Holds out a birdcage] Different music cue, show them the cage. [The cage pops and vanishes] It's gone. Oohs and aahs from the audience. That's when you bring on the cabinet. [Tanya wheels on a cabinet] You wheel it on. Turn it around slowly. Let them get a look at it.

Like this?

Karl Torini

You open the cabinet. [Opens the curtain to reveal that it's empty] Nothing inside! You step in there- [Kevin comes in and Torini sees him] Who's there? [Kevin raises his hand] Dorfman, what are you doing here? This is a closed rehearsal!

Natalie

OW!

Monk

OK, this one might be real. Don't play with this one.

Natalie

All right, I won't.

Monk

What is that? [He walks over to the cabinet to examine it, and suddenly Torini's voice comes booming over the loudspeaker]

Karl Torini

[Over the speakers] It's called a Zig Zag Cabinet. I designed it myself. [Monk starts to examine the Zig Zag Cabinet more closely] Please step away from the cabinet, Mr. Monk. Secrets of the trade, you know.

Natalie

How did you do that?

Karl Torini

Misdirection, Ms. Teeger. The secret to every illusion - making the audience look where they shouldn't be looking. [Faces them] For example. [Conjures a coin out of thin air]