Dr. Christiaan Vezza quotes from Monk

I'm sorry, Mr. Biederbeck, that's out of the question.

Hold on. Hold on. Now is it Danny or Daniel?

Danny, sir.

Fine, Danny. If you screw with me. I'll eat your heart on a stick. Now the SEC--

My boss is busy right now, sir.

I know your boss is busy, Danny! I'm watching him. Tell him Dale Biederbeck wants an answer now, not later. Now! Is he in or out? If he's in, tell him to... clean his glasses. [At a conference on the TV, an aide whispers to a congressman and the congressman quickly removes his glasses and cleans them] Congratulate the congressman, he's just been reelected to a fifth term. [He chuckles, turns off his phone and reaches for a plate of corndogs] Oh, it's better than the Home Shopping Network. [Dr. Vezza takes the plate away from him]

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I'm not finished!

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

This stuff will kill you.

I'm not gonna die. You won't let me, will you, Doctor?

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

So you're a nurse?

Sharona Fleming

Mmm, I was.

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

Where did you intern?

Sharona Fleming

Modesto General.

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

So you knew Michelle Bletched?

Sharona Fleming

Oh, oh, my God, yes. [She and Dr. Vezza laugh] “The Wretched Miss Bletched”.

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

[in falsetto] Attention, everyone! Attention! This is not a drill!

Sharona Fleming

God.

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

[imitating Katharine Hepburn in falsetto] Yes, you should hear my Katharine Hepburn.

Sharona Fleming

That's very good. Very good.

Captain Stottlemeyer

Excuse me, Doctor. Now, if Biederbeck is too big to get out of the room, how'd he get there in the first place? He's like a ship in a bottle.

Dr. Christiaan Vezza

Well, when he first bought the apartment, he weighed a mere 422 pounds. He could still walk. On a good day, he could see his toes. Then his mother died, and he had a complete breakdown. He started bingeing. He would call restaurants and order everything on the menu. He topped out at 927 pounds. That was a decade ago. He has not left the room since.

Captain Stottlemeyer

Like I said, it's just not possible.