[Before the show, Monk and Dwight talk to Val Birch while a crew member adjusts his outfit]
DEDwight Ellison
Val Birch? This is my old friend Adrian Monk.
Val BirchAdrian? Ooh, gym glass must have been hell with a name like that.
Val Birch
Are you nearly done or do you just like touching me?
DEDwight Ellison
Adrian's here from San Francisco.
Val Birch
Oh, Frisco? God-awful town! I was there last year. It was foggy the whole week! When are they gonna do something about all that fog?
Well, I-I don't know. I'll make some calls.
Val Birch
I couldn't see a damn thing! Not even that, um, uh, golden bridge they've got.
Val Birch
No, genius, the bridge.
Right, that's what they call it: the Golden Gate-
Val Birch
Okay, okay! Testing 1-2-3, we're done! [walks away]
DEDwight Ellison
[to Monk] That idiot's won seven times in a row!
[Monk's game enters the second round]
Welcome back to Treasure Chest. My name is Roddy Lankman, and our reigning champ, Val Birch, is in the lead again with $3,000. In second place, Susan with $0, and Adrian, you're at -$1,000.
Well Roddy, I think my luck is about to change.
Well there's only one way to find out: let's do Round 2 and dig for treasure. For $4,000, the bone that connects your knee to your ankle is the A) fibula, B) tibula- [Monk buzzes in]
Uh, that is correct! [Applause is heard offstage; Birch scorches a glare at Monk] Next question: how many square yards in an acre? [Birch immediately buzzes in]
Val Birch
It's C.
Uh, C is correct. It's 4,840 square yards.
Val Birch
Lucky guess.
Lucky guess indeed. For $5,000- [Monk buzzes in]
Uh, D is correct. Another lucky guess. For $5,500, President McKinley was assassinated in-[Monk presses his buzzer several times]
D-D-D-D. The answer is D, Roddy ["D" being "1901"].
D is correct. The next question, who-[Monk buzzes in insistently]
"B" is correct, it's Jackson Brown. [Susan collapses on her podium] Susan, are you okay?
SSusan
I-I just-it looked so much easier when I was watching at home!
Yes it always looks easier at home. For $6,000- [Susan buzzes in]
No, C is not right. [Monk buzzes in]
'A' is correct, "the wombat". And the last question for $6,000, what element-[Monk rings in]
D is correct. And that's the end of Round 2, a couple of really intelligent gentlemen here. Uh, that means Adrian Monk is the winner of Round 2! Val Birch, you're gonna have to sit this one out this time. [Tanya hands Roddy the first bonus round question] Adrian, you understand what happens in Round 2: you answer these five questions correctly, you not only win this game, but you win this great big pot of gold. [gestures to the table with the treasure chests] You know how we play our game, you have five questions. Let's see how you do. [reads from the first card] Adrian, who was the first president to win a Nobel Peace Prize? [SPOILER: the answer is Theodore Roosevelt]
Roddy, I understand I can phone a friend.
[scoffs] You wanna phone a friend on the first question? Well, you're the boss. Tanya, let's bring him the phone. [Tanya grabs a treasure chest with the phone while Roddy addresses his viewers] For those of you just joining us for the first time, Adrian is going to call a friend to see if he can get some help on this very important bonus round question. [Tanya hands Monk the phone] All right, who would you like to call?
Well, Roddy, I would like to call him. [points to Val Birch]
Val Birch
Me? You want to call me? I don't think I'm at home! [laughs]
Mr. Monk, what are you doing?
[up in the producer's booth, Kevin turns to Dwight]
Do you know what he's doing? Because I don't know what he's doing.
[onstage] I'm trying to prove that you are guilty of murder, Mr. Lankman, or at the very least, manslaughter. Lizzie Talvo, your personal assistant, discovered that you were cheating on the show. [Monk ignores the gasps of the horrified audience]
Uh, can we go to a commercial break? [Dwight immediately turns to his associates]
DEDwight Ellison
You do and you're fired.
Monk · 667 quotes
