[Natalie tries to convince Monk to take part in an SFPD bachelor auction]
Don't you want to be a team player?
No.
Don't you want to appear to be a team player?
Sure.
S6Mr. Monk and His Biggest Fan
[Natalie is trying to shoo Marci away]
MMMarci Maven
Look, I really have to see Adrian, it's an emergency!
Yeah, that's what you said last year, Marci, but when he got in the car, you locked the door and tried to drive him to Corpus Cristi!
MMMarci Maven
It was Thanksgiving!
It's possible—there's a chance—she's not crazy. I mean, she's crazy, but she might not be wrong.
[Marci trots towards him with her arms spread]
[Shrinking away] Clue hug?
Take it like a man.
[Marci's dead dog Otto is being framed for a murder]
MMMarci Maven
You're the detective, you figure it out! You do it all the time. The police have a theory and they think it's cut-and-dried, and then you come in and do your thing, like in "Mr. Monk and the Astronaut" or "Mr. Monk Goes Back to School"—oh, you remember that one?
No! Where are you getting these names?
[Last lines; Marci has sent her box of memorabilia back to Monk. He finds the troll doll]
Oh look, it's you. [Natalie finds the bobbleheads of Monk and Marci]
[As Marci] "Oh, Adrian, I adore you! You're so amazing!"
All right...
[As Monk] "Thank you, Marci. I think you have excellent taste. How would you like to be my new assistant? You can follow me around and worship me all day."
All right, it wasn't like that...
[As Marci] "And let's seal the deal with a great big clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug! Clue hug!"
Cut it out, will you? I know it's you!
[Following him out of the room] "Oh, don't go away, I just want a little clue hug! Clue hug, clue hug, clue hug!"
S6Mr. Monk and the Rapper
What's up, Killa?
MMurderuss
What is this, good cop, demented cop?
Let me give you the 4-1-1—that's the information.
MMurderuss
I am not going to be putting a bomb under somebody's town car. You know me, I'm up close and personal, face-to-face.
Well, not according to this. [Produces a CD, which he puts down on the table] Track 4. A little song called "Car Bomb." [Imitates rapping]] "Ch, ch, ch. I put the bomb in your limo, that's what the surprise is / Under your seat, like Oprah giving prizes." Sound familiar?
MMurderuss
Not the way you do it.
Yeah, well, I wasn't really performing it.
MMurderuss
Look, you got to be one of the whitest white boys I've ever met. And I've met Kevin Costner.
Randy's upstairs talking to our medical examiner in rap.
Why?
I learned a long time ago not to ask Randy why he does anything.
S6Mr. Monk and the Naked Man
PMPeter Magneri
He threatened me once—at a zoning meeting. Hit me with a microphone.
He's a nudist! That's what they do, they... they hit people with microphones.
[About nudists] Captain, there's only one way to deal with them. We gotta ship them back!
Ship them back where, Monk?
[On the nudists] You defending them?!
Monk, this is San Francisco! There's a million weirdoes out there! Some of them are wearing clothes, some of them are not. And yes, I am defending them. That's what this means. [Pats his badge] We defend them. I spend a lot of my time, too much of my time, trying to keep bigotry and racism out of this department.
I am not a bigot--
Well, I don't know what else to call it, Monk! You wanna put this guy away for the rest of his life because he makes you uncomfortable. Look, you've always had issues. But this isn't just another quirk or phobia, like, uh, your fear of clowns or round things. This is different. This is new. And weird. And ugly.
First of all, I'm not afraid of round things--
Monk, you're a great detective. Look at it like it's a mystery. There's something going on here. Something's going on inside of you. Figure it out, detective. I don't wanna see you back here until you do.
[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher have told Arlene Boras about why she killed her roommate]
ABArlene Boras
You don't have any...
...Proof? [Shows Peter Magneri's X-ray] Mr. Monk found this. It was behind the toilet.
[Grimaces] Behind your toilet!
S6Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend
[Monk and Natalie tell Randy about their suspicions about Linda Fusco]
Randy, what we're about to tell you is absolutely confidential; you cannot repeat it to anybody.
Are you in love with me?
What?! No!
I think Linda Fusco killed her partner.
What? I can't believe that. There's no way, Monk.
Am I in love with you?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.