MJMichigan J Frog
[singing] We're proud to present on the WB, Another bad show that no one will see! [walks away] I need a drink.
S9Lisa's Sax
Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. [thinking what Grandpa told him]
YYoung Grandpa
Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
Lousy traumatic childhood.
MIMan in "Twin Peaks"
That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.
[on TV we see The man dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree]
Brilliant. I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
[Looking at Bart's drawing] Oh what a beau... Aaah! Burn it! Send it to hell!
Homer, have you seen the frozen peas?
[Homer wipes his face with a frozen dinner and pulls the peas out from underneath him.]
Ahh, you keep 'em. Now listen, if we can't afford private school, maybe there's some other way to encourage Lisa. Eh, an art class! Ballet lessons! They have some fun things you can do at the museum on Saturday!
Uh-uh. Forget it, Marge. There is no way I am spending my Saturdays at a museum. Unless...museums don't have foosball, do they?
[Homer daydreams about himself at the museum, playing Foosball with a statue.]
You lose, Michelangelo's "David"! Who's next?
MFMan From Edward Munch's "The Scream" Painting
Meeeeeee!
S9Treehouse of Horror VIII
[The episode begins with the Fox Censor looking through the episode script 5F02 and redacting parts with his pen]
FCFOX Censor
No. No. No. [pauses, then laughs] No. [turns page] Hmm, I think we can do without the crack pipe... [notices viewer] Oh, hi! As the Fox censor, it's my job to protect you from reality. And thanks to my prudent editing, tonight's special Halloween show has been rated TV-G! [points to a TV-G ratings bug] This means there will be no raunchy NBC-style sex or senseless CBS-style violence. So sit back and enjoy a night of worry-free-
[as he speaks, the ratings bug stabs the censor in the back with a cutlass twice, bringing the rating up to TV-PG and then TV-14]
FCFOX Censor
AGH! What the fudge?!
[another stab, rating is now TV-MA]
FCFOX Censor
Oh, for Pete's sake!
[Another stab, rating is now TV-21]
FCFOX Censor
Jiminy Christmas!
[One last stab, rating is now TV-666]
FCFOX Censor
AAAAAHHHH! [falls over, dying] Darn it...
[The FOX censor's blood spills over the desk, spelling out the words: The Simpsons Halloween Special VIII]
[The French neutron bomb nearly hits Kang and Kodos' ship]
What the hell was that?!
[speaking into microphone] Calling home planet! This is Ensign Kang reporting a cigar-shaped object moving at tremendous speed!
SRSuperior Rigellian
[on Rigel VII] Sure, Kang, I'm writing that all down.
[he and his superior laugh amongst themselves]
[realizing the people in Springfield are transformed into skeletons] Everyone's gone! [saddened] Little Bart...little Lisa...little Marge... [sniffs] and the rest! [cries]
[dancing in church nude when someone turns off the radio button] Hey. What happened to the tunes? [sees Springfield citizens dressed in monk robes] What's going on? Where did you get these cloaks?
You're mutants?
MMoe
Uh, we don't like the word "mutants", Homer. We prefer "freaks" or "monsters".
[mistaking Edgar and Johnny Winter for mutants] Die, you chalk-faced goons!
Something I should have done a long time ago. [furiously turns red, angrily shouting at Bart] I'll teach you to mess with my machine!
[Bart screams]
[angrily starts chasing Bart] I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me 35 cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!
You are all hereby found guilty of the crime of witchcraft. I sentence you hags to be burned at the stake until you are deemed fit to re-enter society.
[looks at witches] Oh, Neddie, look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to do wanton acts of carnality.
[scoffs] Yeah, that'll be the day.
S9The Cartridge Family
TCTV Commercial Voice
You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!
Oh, I never heard of those people.
TCTV Commercial Voice
And they'll all be signing autographs!
Woo-hoo!
TCTV Commercial Voice
This match will decide once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth: Mexico or Portugal!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.