The Simpsons · Season 7
[Bart desperately tries to stop Brodka from showing the security tape of him shoplifting Bonestorm by standing in front of the big screen TV.]
Mom, I don't want you to see this. I did it.
[His timing is off, and everyone sees him taking the game and hiding it in the jacket. Everyone is in shock, including Marge and Lisa, while Homer is enraged.]
Bart, I would never expected this from you.
[disheartened] Oh, Bart.
You go through life, you try be nice to people, you resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt! Well, I'm better than dirt! Well... most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.
Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.
Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
[on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Homer, watch your mouth!
Aw, I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening. [hangs up]
Simpson, eh? Let's shut down this bowling scam right now!
I would like to join your bowling team.
You want to join my what?
You want to what his team?
Hey, everybody! If you wanna ask Burns for a favor, now's the time! He's doped up or dying or something! [Hans Moleman enters Burns' office]
Uh, excuse me, I'd like to request $17 for a push-broom rebristling.
Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your Lucky Charms. [pulls out a drill and points it at Moleman's head.]
[offscreen] Oh no, my brains...
Oh, if he thinks George Bush'll stay out of the sewer, he doesn't know George Bush.
He spanked you? [He's angry and points at Bart.] You? Bart Simpson?
I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.
Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!
[He points over at Lisa, in a beanbag chair, reading. She looks up, confused.]
First, Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then makes fun of the way I talk -- probably. Now, he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! WELL, THAT'S IT!
[Homer watches Bush go jogging past with Reverend Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, and Lenny]
Huh. Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush. [Santa's Little Helper barks and runs off after them] I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush. [laughs]
Well there it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
D'oh!
[picks up a toy pistol] Well, we don't need this.
[ecstatic] Whic-- Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights fashion gun! [holds a leather jacket] I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing.
Who's Disco Stu?
Uhh, I wanted to write "Disco Stud", but I ran out of space. Not that Disco Stu didn't get his share of the action!
[Seeing Homer's Disco Stu jacket]
Hey Stu, you should buy this.
Hey, Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
[singing, to the tune of "Big Spender"] Hey big spender! Dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders! Hey big spender!
[singing] We surrender!
[singing] Spe-e-e-e-e-end some dough at table three!
[crowd applauds]
Thank you neighbors, thank you! Now let's give it up for table five! [singing, to the tune of "Stayin' Alive"] Ah, ah, ah, ah, table five, table five! Ah, ah, ah, ah, table fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ive...
[after Homer stops singing due to everyone else getting distracted by the Bushes moving in] Disco Stu likes disco music.
For the last time Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
Never. You make him apologize for destroying my memoirs.
[to Bart] You didn't tell me you destroyed his memoirs. [to Bush] NEVER!
Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!
Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs!
Pfft! I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
