...this prison will make Abu Ghraib look like the Four Seasons! Smithers, we'll need electrical wire, a hood, and someone who can really point at genitalia.
S16The Seven-Beer Snitch
[after learning that he failed the guard test] But he misread my pee!! He misread my pee!!!
Listen to me, this whole building is unsafe! They cut corners everywhere. People, it's a death trap!
S16Future-Drama
[Bart and Homer are flying around in an imperfect hovercar.]
Why'd you buy the first hovercar ever made? Didn't you know it'd take a while to work out the kinks?
I know! It's a hovercar!
[during the hovercar ride, Homer and Bart go through a wormhole in a cliff. They come out the other side and Bender from Futurama sits between them]
BBender
All right! You guys are my new best friends!
You wish, loser! [tosses Bender out the car, who falls to pieces when he hits the asphalt. Bart and Homer laugh as they drive away]
[Bart sees Smithers with a woman.]
Mr. Smithers? I thought you were, uh, you know, uh...
No, no, I'm straight. As long as I take these injections every 10 minutes. [injects himself] I love boobies!
You love Moleman! You're gay for Moleman!
No, you're gay for Moleman.
[morosely] No one's gay for Moleman.
Well Bart, I really appreciate what you're gonna do for me. [Kisses Bart on the Cheek]
S16Don't Fear the Roofer
Dad, remember how you said if I used a chainsaw unsupervised I'd hurt myself? Well, you were wrong. I hurt someone else.
So what's Stephen Hawking doing here?
SHStephen Hawking
I live here now. You're looking at the new owner of the Little Caesars down the street. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. Pizza, pizza. Sorry, that button sticks.
So why didn't you invite me?
We couldn't tell you ahead of time because you'd spill the beans.
We're going to take the dog to the V-E-T.
MDMan Dog
Huh?
Then take Bart to get C-I-R-C-U-M-C-I-S-E-D.
Huh?
I'll tell you what it means when it's over, honey.
RRay
Look at the size of that nacho plate. I haven't seen this much melted cheese since I left my Billy Joel albums out in the sun.
Ha ha ha ha ha, the sun.
RRay
Hey you want to split this?
Wow. It's been so long since I've been with someone who doesn't know what a selfish pi
S16The Heartbroke Kid
I've learned that even made-up corporate mascots can lie to you.
Did you hear that Foxie, the Fox network fox?
Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, your boy's gonna need one thing. [points to sign] Tough Luck!
Don't you mean tough love?
Tough love? Of course! This has never made sense! The sign shop guy lied! STANLEY! YOU DIDN'T QUESTION THE WORD LUCK! NOW LOOK WHAT WE GOT! Thanks for the correction, that's part of the honesty.
Son, I'm gonna tell you a story about a young man who came here and failed. Well that is the story. I guess I shouldn't call a sentence a story, anyway IT'S YOU!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.