[drunk] Look, the think about my family is, there's five of us: Marge, Bart, girl-Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. [falls off the barstool]
S13Brawl in the Family
S13Sweets and Sour Marge
What's the longest anyone's ever done this (dances around blurting out sounds)
LLady
Three years.
Oh Pff.. fine. I'll just play the banjo with this cobra.
GGuy
Uh, technically the cobra would get the record, he's the one playing.
But it's my banjo!
SMSuicidal man
Good bye, cruel world. (lands on human ball) Hello, ironic twist.
(After being told Springfield is now officially "the world's fattest city" and looking directly into the camera) In your face, Milwaukee!!
MMan
Okay man, here's the sugar. Now you give us the money!
That wasn't part of the deal. Hahaha.
MMan
(Reading Contract) He's right... who wrote this thing!?
S13Jaws Wired Shut
(During the "Soccer Mummy" preview, on the part where Soccer Mummy [Ed O'Neill] is at a soccer game and gets distracted by a cheering woman's bouncing breasts)
TMTeam Mate
"Oh no! The professor told us not to let him get a boner!"
(A ripping sound is heard. Soccer Mummy looks down and shrugs)
And so for helping to K.O. litter in our community, I hereby dedicate this statue of Drederick Tatum.
TTatum
Litter is my most treacherous foe. I would like to eat his children.
Hey Duff lovers! Does anyone in this bar loooove Duff?
Hey, it's Duffman!
Newsweek said you died of liver failure.
Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him. Ooh yeah!
(In Popeye's accent) Eh, this beer's deliskous. I'm going to saves me wife. Now let's get this show on the road.
Looks like I need some fuel for me mule, gas for me ass! (Popeye-like laughter)
S13Half-Decent Proposal
That's $912.
Send the bill to Baron von Kiss-a-lot.
No problemo.
[scene cuts to a German castle, similar in design to Neuschwanstein]
BButler
This just arrived, Herr Baron. [Baron takes letter, reads it, and lowers it to reveal enormous lips]
BBaron
Okay, who's der vise guy?
S13The Bart Wants What It Wants
Don't worry honey, we can't afford this now, but I promise when the time comes my darling daughter can go to the finest school there is... in South Carolina.
I will not be a Gamecock!
You will too!
So to win Greta back, I have to go to Toronto.
Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior?
[As Homer is about to cross the road] Dad, no! The sign says 'Don't walk'!
That's okay, they have free health care. [Gets sent flying by an oncoming car] Whoa, I'm rich!
I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic basketball team.
Yep, it's just that easy (shoots ball but misses hoop)
PPlayer
Wow, that was close, you can be the center.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.