Pull your chair closer, my son.
What is it, Dad?
Pee-yoo! Not that close! Sheesh. Homer, that heart attack made me realize that I'm going to die someday.
Oh, Dad, you and your imagination.
S2Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
[The family says farewell to Herb as his Powell Motors complex is turned into a Komatsu Motors factory]
Bye, Unkie Herb.
Goodbye, Unkie Herb.
Goodbye, Herb.
Gee, Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you'd have been better off if I'd never come into your life.
HPHerb Powell
Maybe I would have been better off? Maybe?! Why, you spongehead! Of course I'd have been better off! [boards bus that just arrived] As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother! [bus closes doors and leaves]
[consoles Homer] Hmm. Maybe he just said that to make conversation.
His life was an unbridled success, until he found out...he was a Simpson.
S2Bart's Dog Gets an F
[answers phone] Yello?
WMs. Winfield
Simpson, this is Sylvia Winfield. That canine of yours is in my pool again! I'm calling the dog warden right now!
Oh, are you?! Well, you go ahead and call your precious dog warden, you old battle-axe! Because my dog is tied up in the backyard!
WMs. Winfield
There's only one family on this block — no, on Earth — inconsiderable enough to let a monster like that roam free!
D'oh! [grunts] Are you losing your hearing or are you just stupid? I am going to explain this to you one more time, and then I'm going to hang up on you. It is NOT my dog!!! I TIED MY DOG OUTSIDE MYSELF!!! [looks at backyard] I AM LOOKING AT HIM RIGHT- D'OH!!!
[Next scene, Santa's Little Helper shakes off the water while soaking Homer in the process, annoying him further. Ned comes up to him.]
Well, hi-diddly-do, Simpson.
No way, she's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.
[sarcastically while being sick] If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
Fine, then...Wait a minute...If Lisa goes to school, then I go to school, but then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.
[Santa's Little Helper passes dog obedience school]
EWEmily Winthrop
You son of a bitch! Good show!
S2Old Money
I think Grampa smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet.
No, I think he smells more like a photo lab.
Stop it, you two! Grampa smells like a normal old man, which is more like a hallway in a hospital.
What are you doing tonight?
BBea
Sitting alone in my room.
Oh well, you've got plans already.
BBea
No, what were you going to say?
Oh nothing.
BBea
Oh Abe, you were going to say something.
Well, I was wondering if you and I, you know, might go to the same place at the same time and...Jeez! You'd think this would get easier with time!
BBea
[takes his hand] I'd love to.
S2Brush with Greatness
I hope all you kids come out this weekend and really pack this place, just to show em how grateful I am. I told them you would! Don't make me a liar!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No?!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No!!!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
NO!!!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No! No! No! NOOO! If I take you, will you two shut up and QUIT BUGGING ME?!
Yeah, of course!
Well?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
YES!
BLBart & Lisa
Thanks, dad!
[after he gets stuck in the waterslide] What? Come on, you stupid tube!
[Homer and Bart are up in the attic looking for Homer's exercise equipment. Bart comes across a stack of old paintings of Ringo Starr]
Hey, who's the mop-top with the big schnoz?
Don't you know anything, boy? That's Ringo Starr. [Notices Marge's signature in the bottom corner] Hey. Your mother must have painted this. I guess she thought he was kind of cute. [Flipping through the stack of paintings including one of Ringo without a shirt and another of Marge and Ringo getting married] What?? Hey! What the--? MARGE!
Now Homer, don't be jealous. I was a schoolgirl, The Beatles were very popular and I had a crush on them.
[Muttering to himself] A likely story..
[Marge accidentally walks in on Mr. Burns naked in the bathroom]
Oh my!
[grabbing a towel from Smithers] If you'll excuse me, I'm changing for a board meeting.
[closes the door] I'm so sorry Mr. Burns.
Hey mom, did he have those hideous spots all over his body?
[Burns pokes his head through the door]
I heard that! [closes the door]
Uh oh!
Would you be more comfortable if I left too, sir?
Of course not Smithers, you're...you're like a doctor.
[offscreen] SMITHERS! I WANT MY TEA!
[to Smithers] Doesn't it bother you that he orders you around like that?
[chuckles] Actually, I value every second we're together. From the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning, till I tuck him in at night. He's not just my boss, he's my best friend too.
[Burns enters; Smithers gives him the tea]
BBurns
[sipping] Bah! Too hot! [throws it on Smithers]
Right, sir. It's...scalding me as we speak.
[Somewhere in Liverpool]
RSRingo Starr
Dear Sally, in response to your letter of December the 12th, 1966, me favorite color is blue, and me real first name is Richard. Thanks for the snapshot, you're a real cute bird. Love, Ringo. P.S. Forgive the lateness of my reply.
WWeatherby
Mr. Starr, tea and crumpets.
RRingo
Just set it over there.
WWeatherby
Sir, if you'll forgive an old Brit his impertinence, your devotion to your fans is nothing short of remarkable.
RRingo
Well, Weatherby, they took the time to write me, and I don't care if it takes me another 20 years. I'm going to answer every one of them. [picks up a large envelope] Hello, what's this? From Springfield, U.S.A. [sees painting of him] Gear!
RRingo
[voiceover via letter] Dear Marge, thanks for the fab painting of yours truly. I hung it on me wall. [sic] You're quite an artist. In answer to your question, yes we do have hamburgers in England, but we call French Fries "chips". Love, Ringo. P.S. Forgive the lateness of my reply.
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