The point of the dinosaurs is: no matter what we do, an asteroid is going to wipe us out. So we should party hard and wreck the place!
Yeah, why should the asteroid have all the fun?!
S23The Book Job
KKids
[Shrieks] A troll!
MMoe
Hey, I ain't a troll! Look, I bleed red, just like you! [He pokes a needle on his finger. Green blood leaked out of Moe's finger.] The first part is always green. It turns red!
S23The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
Your fists are your sisters?
Yeah, Pocahontas and Sacagawea!
Nice save.
Take us out first. Anyone can start a family. These days no one can find a job.
I'll get one those jobs where you don't need to read. Like french fry maker or general.
Can you be my dad?
If your mom was a secretary, there's a good chance I am.
There ain't enough bourbon in Kentucky for you, big guy.
Yeah, the governor wrote me a letter to that effect.
Before you say yes, Simpson I fell it's my duty to warn you, account men lose their soul.
Woohoo! No more church!
In two weeks, the only tie I'll be wearing will be for auto erotic asphyxiation.
Why can't I be funny with just my words? Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch. Except when he's off work.
[about the children's movie I watched] If you got that, then-- [notices his son is watching a porn movie]
XBXXX Babe
Are you sure you're Martin Scorsese? [A hand (used by Homer) blocks the laptop and puts the CD back in the case.]
Enjoy the outdoors, you stupid kid!
[watches the people taking the rafts to the ground which the raft doesn't stop from riding] Um…I think we're supposed to get off "here"!
S23The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
They were kids, and we gave them candy if they laughed! And if they didn't, until the 70s, I hit them with a stick! Some jerk tacked down the kids and made a documentary. It's called "Circus of Shame" or something.
AAnnie
I was so mad at him, I didn't have sex with a clown for five months!
Well, What about mimes?
AAnnie
Come on, I'm not made of stone.
They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.