Bart, No more TV! We're going to get some fresh air and visit a museum. Of television!
S23The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
This is the part where I get the kids out of the room.
People also lover a quitter. Sarah Palin. The Beatles.
If you ever hear a star's name and wonder, is he dead? The answer is either "I represent him" or "yes."
And all the movies are over a year old. It's like those parodies were written when the movies came out, but it took so long to animate them that we look dated and hackey.
S23Holidays of Future Passed
[The Simpsons have just finished the Thanksgiving dinner]
I'll never eat turkey again. Marge, we got any ham?!
AAbe
[wearing an elf hat and having some mashed potato on his face in the shape of a beard] I'm Santa?! Oh, now I'll never die.
Can we just send out a picture of the pets as reindeers?
We tried that last year.
[camera pans to a photo of Santa's Little Helper and Snowball V with toy reindeer horns attacking Homer]
D'oh!
Who cares what we look like in whatever stupid year this is?
You'll understand one day, when you have kids of your own.
Umm, who say's we're gonna have kids of our own?
Not me, man! This cycle of jerks has to end!
I can't believe we put a man on the Sun, but we can't stop my sneezing.
How did my daughter turn into my brother?
Don't blame me. When we had her, they used only the best genetic material - which meant none of mine.
Why don't you take Zia to your parents for Christmas, while I nurse my allergies in one of the non-Christmas celebrating states?
You could go back to Michigan. It's still under Sharia law.
Yeah, but they always make me wear a veil.
Oh, Marge. How would you like some future sex?
Why do you say future? This is now.
I meant a week from tomorrow. That's when the new penis gets here.
Oh man. I can't believe they still haven't figured out a way to de-tangle Christmas lights.
ESelder son
Mom's boyfriend is good at de-tangling them.
[mockingly] Well, maybe mom should marry him!
ESelder son
She did!
YSyounger son
We weren't supposed to tell you.
[Homer comes in with a top hat, a scarf, a smoking pipe, and a carrot]
ESelder son
Hey, grampa, are you gonna build a snowman?
No, I just like to dress up to eat my carrots and smoke.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.