The Simpsons quotes, page 117 ... TV Quotes Database

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S14The Great Louse Detective

[Homer's runaway King of Mardi Gras float is heading toward a building filled with swordfish.]

Lisa

[gasps] Dad's headed straight for the Museum of Swordfish!

Marge

That museum's been nothing but trouble since it opened.

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Homer

Wait! Frank Grimes wasn't married! How could he have a son?

FGFrank Grimes Jr.

He happened to like hookers, okay?

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Lisa

Dad! I figured it out! [opens a piece of paper] The murderer is--

Homer

I know! Frank Grimes Junior!

Lisa

Huh? [looks down at the paper, where she has written the name "Bumblebee Man"] Precisely. [crumples the paper and kicks it away]

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[At night, Homer and Bart celebrate their victory at the capture of the perpetrator at Bart's room]

Bart

Dad, I'm really glad you're still alive.

Homer

Yeah, it's every parent's dream to outlive their children. Goodnight, son. [he closes the door, unaware that Bob is hiding on the other side of the door]

Sideshow Bob

[jumps down] Hello, Bart. [Bart screams, but Bob quickly covers the boy's mouth with duct tape. He tries reaching for the shock remote, only to find that it is missing.] Looking for this? [He shows Bart the remote he had stolen before tossing it out the window and taking the knife out of his pocket.] Now I'm going to take some advice that was given to me by Lenny, and kill you without doing. [He raises the knife to strike, but looks at Bart's pleading eyes before stopping.] One thrust, and the deed is done. [He raises the knife again, but pauses again at the look of the boy's pleading face before lowering the knife again.] I... I can't do it.

Bart

[muffled] Huh? Why not?

Sideshow Bob

Well, I guess I've—dear God—grown accustomed to your face! [starts singing "The Very Reason That I Live"]

I've... grown accustomed to his face,

And dreams of gouging out his eyes.

I've grown accustomed to my hate,

My plans to lacerate,

To disembowel,

To hear him howl.

[As he sings, Bart tries getting out of bed through the covers, but Bob grabs him and pins him to the wall atop the bedstand with the knife by his nightgown.]

The very reason that I live

Is plotting how to watch him die.

Homer

[bangs on the wall from the other room] Bart! Turn down that original cast recording and go to sleep! [The banging loosens the knife from the wall, and Bart falls down to the floor and tries escaping while sneaking behind Bob.]

Sideshow Bob

[continues] I know this chubby scalliwag

Has made my life a living hell.

[He grabs one of Bart's legs as he sings and dangles the boy upside-down while pulling him close to his face.]

Surely, if I drank his blood,

I'd be at peace... but, well...

Bart

[removes the tape from his mouth and sings] You've grown accustomed to my face?

Sideshow Bob

This isn't a duet.

Bart

Sorry. [puts the tape back on his mouth]

Sideshow Bob

I've grown accustomed to your fear,

Accustomed to revenge,

Accustomed to... your face.

[As he finishes, he carries Bart and sets him back to his bed, then leaps up at the edge of the bed before finishing and jumping out the window, landing on the ground as Bart quickly shuts the window.] We shall meet again, old friend. But now, I must steal away into the night. [gets shocked by the remote's button that is repeatedly pressed by the birds on its nest, showrunner credits appears. Starting the credits. After the credits, Gracie Films logo appears and 20th Century Fox Television appears at the end of the episode]

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S14Special Edna

[Krabappel learns she's been nominated for Teacher of the Year]

Edna Krabappel

This after showing the class the R-rated version of Romeo and Juliet! I thought that nipple would haunt me forever!

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S14Special Edna

Principal Skinner

[on the phone] Y'ello? Mother? [sighs] I'll be right there. [to Edna] Now she wants to get out of the tub.

Edna Krabappel

You've got to stop putting your mother ahead of me! We have a date!

Principal Skinner

I'll be back in three hours. [suggestive] Maybe less. [normal] But almost certainly more.

[Skinner leaves, and Edna starts sobbing]

Bart

He's a wiener, Mrs. K. Just say the word, and his desk is full of boogers.

Edna Krabappel

That's sweet of you.

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S14Special Edna

[The Simpsons are on a ride like the Carousel of Progress]

VVoiceover

Welcome to the electric car of the future!

CCar

[in a whiny tone] Hello. I'm an electric car. I can't go very fast, or very far. [Bart and Homer look around the scenery with puzzled expressions] And if you drive me, people will think you're gay.

AGAnimatronic Gay Men

One of us! One of us!

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S14Special Edna

[Little Richard is on stage]

Homer

Purple Rain!

LRLittle Richard

SHUT UP!

Homer

[excited] Michael Jackson told me to shut up.

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S14Special Edna

MMilhouse

Hey Bart! Want to go for a ride on my uncle's Black Hawk helicopter?

Bart

But I just started my paper!

MMilhouse

It's your last chance! He'll probably get court marshaled for this!

Bart

Black Hawk up!

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S14The Dad Who Knew Too Little

[The Simpsons watch Homer's personalized movie for Lisa: "The Adventures of Lisa Simpson, Girl Cowboy". In it, we see Lisa's face, with tongue sticking out, crudely pasted onto a cowgirl's body. The animation is really choppy.]

CCowgirl

Howdy, pardners! My name is Sheriff...

HVHomer voiceover

Lisa Simpson!

CCowgirl

I sure am hungry for my favorite food...

HVHomer voiceover

McNuggets!

Lisa

I don't like McNuggets! I'm a vegetarian!

Homer

Still? Well, then you're not gonna like your other present.