[mockingly at Lisa] Ha Ha. They left without you.
They left without you too, you idiot.
If I'm such an idiot, how come I'm the smartest kid in third grade?
Because you've already done it once.
[Pause]
You've lost me.
S14Bart vs. Lisa vs. The Third Grade
Hey... how do we get home?
No problem. We'll just circle around like those kids in the Blair Witch project.
[Bart walks off-screen. He immediately walks back into frame on the other side]
I must be getting close. [points to Lisa] I recognize that girl.
S14Large Marge
Well, if Bart can be 'El Barto'...
["El Homo" is painted on a wall]
HLHomosexual Latino
Oh, if only I had your courage, sénor.
Thanks [realizes what he just did] Ahh! Oh, God! [Paints frantically to cover it up]
Dad, you're getting paint all over your wedding ring.
Oh, right. Here, hold it. [Hands the ring to Lisa]
Dad, this is a Band-Aid wrapped in tin foil.
[Ashamed] My real ring's inside a turtle.
Aaaaah! What on Earth have you done?! My maguppies became bazongas!
SSurgeon
Great Ceaușescu's ghost! Are those real? [Makes a realization] Oh. Oh, right.
OSOld Soldier
Oh, my God! [picks up a hungover Milhouse] This youngster befouled the flag!
Accidentally giving me breast implants is not a simple misunderstanding, my surgery was botched!
SSurgeon
Botched, what is that the word of the day?
The Krusty I know didn't get where he is today by giving up!
No, I got where I am today by naming names in the '50s!
S14Helter Shelter
[as the Sarcastic Clerk is gnawing on the living room table]
Why do you always pick the cheapest guy?
I go by how funny the sign is. [indicates the "A Bug's Death" van outside the house]
[Bart uses a telegraph to message Moe, dressed as a telegraph clerk]
MMoe
Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme. Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, "hey would you cuddle me"?
[a big man makes a threatening look while Lenny and Carl laugh]
BBBilly the Big Guy in the Back
No thanks.
MMoe
[angry] Ooh, that little...!! [begins using the telegraph] I'm gonna drive a Golden Spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific! STOP!
[at the other end, Bart laughs]
S14The Great Louse Detective
Now, Mr. Simpson, is it possible you're living a double or triple life that your wife doesn't know about?
Triple? No, definitely no.
Now, your case requires someone who understands the twisted mind of a murderer. And I know just where to find him.
[hopeful] Paris?
No, no, not Paris.
[downhearted] I'm never gonna go to Paris.
[The Simpsons are in Campbell's Chunky Soup Maximum Security Prison]
I don't think this was a great place to bring the children.
It still beats Disney's California Adventure.
Hello, Bart.
BLBart and Lisa
AAAHH!! Sideshow Bob!
Oh, come now, we have been through so much together. Just call me Bob.
BLBart and Lisa
AAAHH!! Bob!
Dad, I can't believe you're putting my life at risk to save your own?!
You'll understand someday when you have kids.
[Sideshow Bob placed a Homer dummy on the motor laundry line and turns it on, making it a decoy.]
The trap is set. The killer will think this dummy is you out for an evening stroll. Now we lie and wait like hungry Cassius for noble Caesar.
You're so smart. [to Bart] Shock him.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.