[to Stan] Stanley, do you have a reason for not using the boys' bathroom?
I-I just... Two people close to me are having gender-identity issues, and I'm… I'm confused.
S18 E3The Cissy
S18 E4Handicar
RCRussian Cab Driver
Nobody takes jobs away from us! We need to speak to mayor and tell her to shut down this illegitimate business!
MCMuslim Cab Driver
Or maybe we can have the police shut them down.
MMimsy
Hey, I got an idea! Why don't you guys just make your cars cleaner and nicer and try to be better to your customers so you can compete with Handicar's popularity in the market place?
How can people be so ineffectual, Mimsy?
MMimsy
Dah, I don't know, boss.
These are supposed to be men who care about their occupation.
MMimsy
Dah, maybe if they're that incompetent we shouldn't be trying to save their jobs. Maybe Handicar is a kind of natural selection where more diligent workers are weeding out the useless ones. DEEERRR!
[Deleted Scene; The Marsh and Broflovski families are all at the Stotch house, barricading and boarding up the house]
All the windows are barricaded in the back.
Good. Those boards there could use some reinforcement, too. What about the blankets? Do we have enough blankets?
[comes downstairs with seven blankets] I found seven upstairs. Will that be enough?
There should be more in the basement, Sharon.
Could someone please tell us what's going on?
Nothing, boys. It's just-- Maybe a blizzard on the way, that's all.
Look, are we really gonna keep the kids in the dark about this?
About what? You tell us we were all staying at Butters' house, and then you all board up the windows and doors. What's going on?
Tell them, Stephen.
You kids-- You've had the luxury of living in a very peaceful time. When we were kids, things weren't so great. There were countries, corporations, all fighting over which kind of vehicle should be the car of the future. Each week, they would hold a race. They were blood baths. Humanity at its very worst. They were called, the Wacky Races.
A race of different vehicles driven by some of the most insane people on Earth. They'd do whatever they could to stop one another and win.
Every week, it was the same. Completely senseless violence for no apparent reason. We would watch on Saturday mornings. It was unbearable.
I saw a man get his head run over, flattened into the pavement while his dog-- his dog laughed. It laughed! [starts to sob as Linda consoles him]
For whatever reason, the world leaders have decided to bring the Wacky Races back. All we can do is stay inside and wait-- wait for it to be over.
[sobbing] Why did the dog laugh?! Why, Linda?!
S18 E5The Magic Bush
You wanna take it out for a spin?
Are you crazy? This is my dad's drone!
Do you have any idea how much fun we could have with this thing? We could spy on everyone!
My dad said it's not for spying on people.
Butters, that's all drones are for.
[as the drone flies over to the backyard of the Tucker residence] Dude, there's Craig's house! That's Craig's house!
[muffled] Okay, try to get closer!
Okay, uh, maybe that's enough.
[The drone flies towards the window of Craig's bedroom, where Craig is seen sitting at his computer]
Oh, dude, look, there's Craig! [chuckles; the drone moves to the next window of Thomas and Laura's master bedroom, showing Laura getting undressed] Craig's mom's taking off her clothes.
[muffled] Are you serious?!
Let me see!
Check it out, guys, she's taking off… Oh, my God, we've got full bush!
[muffled] Stop taping!
Jeeeeezz!
[to Kenny] This thing is recording, right?
[muffled] Yeah!
Dude, that is Craig's mom's bush, right there! Wait. Wait, what's that? [Thomas has been called over and looks at the drone outside their window when Laura heard it as she stands behind him] Oh, shit, dude! Bail! Bail! [thrusts the controller to Butters]
What do I do?!
His dad sees you!
[starting to panic] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Fly back to the house, stupid!
[Later… Thomas shows up at the Stotch residence and confronts Stephen about the drone spying on Laura]
[angrily banging on the door and Stephen answers] You got a problem, Stotch?!
What are you talking about?
You know what I'm talking about! There was a drone spying on my wife, and you're the only person I know with a drone!
Hey, now, hold on. I am a drone hobby enthusiast. I would never use my drone in a way that contradicts the drone hobbyist code of conduct.
Horse-shit! Your drone is out there flying around right now!
I assure you, my drone is sitting in the garage. I'll show you. [leads Thomas to the garage, opens the side door, and sure enough, the drone and its controller are sitting on the floor as expected] There, you see? It's right there.
So... so you flew it back here in time?
I swear I didn't fly it.
Well these things don't just fly themselves, do they? They ought to be illegal. I better not find out it was your drone! [leaves the garage]
[South Park Elementary School; Craig goes through his locker as Jimmy, Token, and Clyde walk up to him]
Hey, Craig, have you checked out the Internet lately? [chuckles with Token and Clyde; Cartman comes into view at the end of the hall and walks towards them]
What are you talking about?
Ohhhh nothin'. It's just that... y-you might wanna invest in some hedge clippers.
For what?
Ohhhh nothin'. You just might wanna... hire Tarzan to do some... landscaping work for your mom.
[Butters angrily comes out of nowhere and shoves Cartman into the boys' bathroom, slamming him into the stall 1 wall]
What the heck are you doing?!
Whoa, Butters, chillax, bro.
WHY DID YOU PUT CRAIG'S MOM'S BUSH ON THE INTERNET?!
[showing up at the Marsh residence with Butters behind him and bangs on the door before Randy answers; frazzled] Randy, we need to talk.
Okay.
[whispers] Inside! [moments later; pacing back and forth while Butters sits on the sofa with Randy and Sharon] I've been going over it and over it in my head. I thought Butters and I were alone, but then I saw you on the news. [walks up to Randy] Another drone hobby enthusiast whose drone was blamed for something the enthusiast didn't recall doing. Randy, this is very important. Is it possible that you did something contrary to the proper code of conduct for drone-flying enthusiasts?
No. I didn't.
I thought it was just my drone, but I think it might be all of them.
What might be?
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth! Our drone flew! The battery was drained! The SD card was erased! Butters was the only other person who had access to it! Butters can't use the drone without my supervision! So where does that leave us, Randy?!
Drones are spooky?
If they have minds of their own, they're more than spooky! I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel pretty unenthused about this hobby.
Have you ever seen pictures of naked women before 2005? It's not that weird.
It's okay, honey.
Please do not adjust your televisions! My name is Stephen Willis Stotch. The drone that took the video of Craig's mom… was my drone. I didn't want to believe it, but they do things without us knowing. At this point, I have completely lost all enthusiasm for the hobby. All of you with drones, please listen to me. Three days ago my drone recorded a video that something uploaded to the Internet. We all were told to respectfully not watch the video. But on the page, [holds up a printout of the YouTube page] it has over 300 million views, so if none of us watched it, who did? We have to find a way to get rid of them! Before they get rid of us!
S18 E6Freemium Isn't Free
We have to find a way to get the word out. People need to know pushers are being hired to take advantage of people with addiction problems. There has to be a way we can get to the news company and sneak in and somehow borrow their TV signal. If we can disguise ourselves as something ridiculous...
[uses his phone] It's done.
Wha-what's done?
The word is out. Terrance and Phillip hired pushers to make money off addicts. I Tweeted it. It's trending.
MMMinister of Mobile Gaming
And so in conclusion, the successful premium game is based on five principles: Entice the player with a simple game loop, use lots of flashing cashings and compliments to make the player feel good about themselves, train the players to spend your fake currency, offer the player a way to spend real currency for your fake currency...
PCPrince of Canada
So they'll forget they're spending money.
MMMinister of Mobile Gaming
...and make the game about waiting. But let the player pay not to wait. It's a surefire way to make lots of money.
We understand micropaying, but can't the game hidden inside the charade just at least be fun?
MMMinister of Mobile Gaming
No no! It has to be just barely fun. If the game were too fun, then there would be no reason to micropay in order to make it more fun.
S18 E7Grounded Vindaloop
There you are, mister! Just what do you think you're doing?
Hello, Dad! It's me, Butters!
I know that. What do you…?
This is for all the times I got grounded! [socks his father in the groin]
[doubles over in pain as Linda watches in shock of horror] OHHH! OOH! OOH!
HA! I can almost feel his balls on my fist! [through walkie-talkie] Ha, ha! How do you like that, Dad?!
[through walkie-talkie; horrified] Butters, why?! Oh, my God!
[through walkie-talkie] Hahaha, I'm in the bad part of town! I just hit a lamp post! Ah, ah-I'm back on my feet. Oh, oh that's cool. There's a prostitute out here.
Okay Butters, let's call it good, okay?
I'm gonna beat her up and take her money!
Wait, hang on Butters!
Take that, you damn hooker!
HHooker
[through walkie-talkie] What you doin' motherfucker?!
I'm taking your money! Ow. Oh she stabbed me. Uh the hooker stabbed me.
Butters get back to my room! The veracrosses are destabilizing!
I can't… I can't breathe too good. Eric, I can't see. Are you still there? Oh… I think I overdid it. I have to take this thing off. What the hell? What the hell is that?! AAAH!
[Hell's Pass Hospital; Butters is in a hospital bed, recovering from getting stabbed]
CDr. Carroll
You're very lucky, young man. You've got a couple of hairline fractures, but the knife missed your spleen by half an inch.
I… I d-didn't think a knife could really hurt me. Ah, I thought I was just in a virtual reality.
CDr. Carroll
No, you actually got stabbed by a hooker. We've called your parents, and they're on their way. Your dad wanted me to let you know that you're grounded more than you can possibly imagine.
[disappointed] Aw, nuts!
CDr. Carroll
Try and relax, and when your parents get here, we'll sort this all out.
Wonder how long I'm grounded for.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.