Thomas quotes from South Park

Cartman

[as the drone flies over to the backyard of the Tucker residence] Dude, there's Craig's house! That's Craig's house!

Kenny

[muffled] Okay, try to get closer!

Butters

Okay, uh, maybe that's enough.

Cartman

Oh, dude, look, there's Craig! [chuckles; the drone moves to the next window of Thomas and Laura's master bedroom, showing Laura getting undressed] Craig's mom's taking off her clothes.

Kenny

[muffled] Are you serious?!

Butters

Let me see!

Cartman

Check it out, guys, she's taking off… Oh, my God, we've got full bush!

Kenny

[muffled] Stop taping!

Butters

Jeeeeezz!

Cartman

[to Kenny] This thing is recording, right?

Kenny

[muffled] Yeah!

Cartman

Dude, that is Craig's mom's bush, right there! Wait. Wait, what's that? [Thomas has been called over and looks at the drone outside their window when Laura heard it as she stands behind him] Oh, shit, dude! Bail! Bail! [thrusts the controller to Butters]

Butters

What do I do?!

Cartman

His dad sees you!

Butters

[starting to panic] I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Cartman

Fly back to the house, stupid!

[angrily banging on the door and Stephen answers] You got a problem, Stotch?!

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about! There was a drone spying on my wife, and you're the only person I know with a drone!

Hey, now, hold on. I am a drone hobby enthusiast. I would never use my drone in a way that contradicts the drone hobbyist code of conduct.

Horse-shit! Your drone is out there flying around right now!

I assure you, my drone is sitting in the garage. I'll show you. [leads Thomas to the garage, opens the side door, and sure enough, the drone and its controller are sitting on the floor as expected] There, you see? It's right there.

So... so you flew it back here in time?

I swear I didn't fly it.

Well these things don't just fly themselves, do they? They ought to be illegal. I better not find out it was your drone! [leaves the garage]

Have you ever seen pictures of naked women before 2005? It's not that weird.

It's okay, honey.

[standing in front of the doorway of the Tucker residence as Thomas answers] Hi, is Craig here, sir?

Why can't you quit him.

Thomas.

Five minutes. He's in the back.

Thanks for coming, everyone. I know you are all concerned as Sarah and I are about what's happening to our children.

I just... can't believe that children in our town are dressing up in hero costumes and peeing in each other's mouths.

And who are these kids? Does anyone know? They're wearing capes and forcing objects into their own rectal cavities? Why?

[referring to himself and his wife] We were shocked to read that a young African-American boy is wearing Tupperware and defecating on girls while they sleep. What if those kids are hanging out with our kids?

You know what I think the problem is? Facebook.

Facebook? How so?

Well, look, we all know there's a lot of mixing of truth and fiction that's been on Facebook lately, and children lack the cognitive ability to determine what's true and what isn't on Facebook. That's why we now have young kids dressing up in costumes, eating poop, and having sex with antelopes in our town.

Maybe we need to get our kids off of Facebook.

That'll never happen. You know what I say we do? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg to come and talk to us all about our concerns in this community.

Do you really think he'd come?

Why not give it a try? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg here and see what he has to say? I'm sure he's a reasonable person. [sips his coffee]

M'kay, welcome, parents, to this all-school town meeting to talk about how we're gonna get your kids back into the classroom. Can everyone hear me okay? [the parents all replying] Okay, well, parents, we've made some amazing adjustments and hirings, m'kay? We believe we can welcome students back on Monday. M'kay?

Sheila

How are you going to do this?

Yeah, what happens when my son is sitting in a room with Craig Tucker, whose father doesn't even wear a mask outside?

Oh, here we fucking go again. Stop mask shaming, Stotch!

Well, it's really not a mask if you wear it down around your chin. That's a chin diaper.

There's no real proof that a mask even fuckin' does anything!

Spoken like a true redneck.

Oh, fuck you!

Okay. Okay, everyone. Alright. [presses a key on his computer keyboard silence muting everyone] Mmkay! I just muted everybody! Okay! Now, if we don't get along, I'll just sit here with you all on mute! Okay, now let's try this again. [presses a key, unmuting everyone]

I saw Wendy's mother not wearing a mask in the changing room at Ross.

The fuck are you doing spying on me in the changing room?!

Okay! BOOM! [mute silences everyone again] You're all muted! M'kay? I can do this all day! Now, we've made changes at the school, and we feel prepared to welcome your students back! [Roger raises his hand] Mr. Donovan.

I don't care what changes you've made. My son Clyde is not going to class.

And that is your prerogative. Mute. Uhkay, Mrs. Marsh.

I thought that the issue was the teachers not coming back.

That is correct. Our teaching staff does not feel safe to return, but… we have hired all new teachers, m'kay? These are people who have recently lost their jobs due to recent events and are desperate for work. Uhkay, so they'll do just about anything.

What new teachers?

Butters?! Butters, you get back to quarantine or you're gonna be grounded!

Hey, Stotch! You heard what the scientists said! Get your diaper up over you mustache area!

I'm not wearing a damn diaper over my nose!

Don't you care about people?!

Yeah, we care way more about what's right than you do, bitch! [punches Mrs. Testaburger in the face as she falls to the ground and gets punched in return by Thomas]