Jimmy quotes from South Park

Jimmy

Timmy? Timmy, I told you to put on the hat! [punches him in the stomach]

Jimmy

You dirty motherfucker!

Jimmy

[to advancing 6th-graders] YOU SHALL NOT PAAAHHH... YOU SHALL NOT PPPPAA...YOU SHALL NOT P... [gets run over] ...p...p...pass.

Jimmy

Look! My gang, which I can't talk about because it's super secret, is the most important thing to me now! And if you two don't like it, you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on your left.

Jimmy

Shawna, I was wondering if I could put my penis in your vagina.

Jimmy

Sometimes it's like, "Please Timmy, learn a new word," huh, huh. [imitates Timmy] "Timmy!"

[angry] Aah!

Jimmy

[continues impression] I'm living a lie, I'm living a lie, Timmy!

Timmy!

Jimmy

Not this year!

Jimmy

Why did the...pigeon cross the road?

Cartman

Okay, why?

Jimmy

Because it was having sex with the chichi... Because it was having sex with the ch-hi-hi... Because it was having sex with the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch... eh, it was having sex with the ch-ch-chicken.

Jimmy

Hey uh-Wen, hey wu-Wendy.

Yeah?

Jimmy

Stan says you're a cont... you're a, cont... Stan says you're a... cont, cont [sounding like cunt]

Well tell Stan to fuck off! [leaves]

Jimmy

Cont...continuing source of inspiration to him.

Jimmy

What-what's the matter, fellas? Are you ninjas or p-p-p-p-p-pussies?

Cartman

We're twice the ninjas you fags are!

I'll leave you two alone. And Jimmy, are you sure you weren't masturbating? Its okay if you were.

Jimmy

Dad! Jesus Christ!

Jimmy

Just what the hell do you think you're doing Eric?!

Eric

[nervously] Uh, heh-heh, d-derr...

Jimmy

You faked being handicapped to win?! I should k-kick your ass right here you lousy, no good, ch-ch-cheater!

[bitterly] Timmeh.

Jimmy

What?

...Timmeh!

Jimmy

...oh my god. You're right, Timmy. You're totally right.

Jimmy

Everyone, the truth is, I haven't been playing fair either. I've been using s-steroids. I was willing to do anything to be the best, and the steroids made me blind to the people I was hurting.

Jimmy

A good friend even tried to talk me out of it, and I wouldn't listen to him.

Jimmy

Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics, because you're taking all the fairness out of the game. But now I know that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not a winner; you're just a p-pussy. [cut to McGuire] You're just a big, fat p-p-p-pussy, and if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say: [Cut to Bonds] "Remove me from from the record books, because I am a big stinky, p-pussy, [cut to Giambi] steroid-taking jackass". [cut back to Jimmy] That's how I feel about myself, and why I must decline this medal and my place in the history books. And if you let me, I'll be back next year, to compete with honor.

Jimmy

Hey, fellas, where's Cartman?

Stan

Cartman isn't our friend anymore.

Kyle

We're ignoring him.

Token

Ignoring him, how come?

Kyle

Because he's a fat, racist, self-centered, intolerant, manipulating sociopath.

Token

Oh yeah.

Hey I hate Cartman too; can I ignore him with you?

Yeah / me too / yeah /screw him!

I never realized ignoring him was an option.

Cartman

I just...I really need the support of my best friend right now.

Jimmy

Who's your best friend?

Cartman

You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends! We know everything about each other!

Jimmy

What's my last name?

Cartman

[pause] Goddamn it.

Jimmy

Say, Eric, do you like fishsticks?

Cartman

Yeah?

Jimmy

Do you like putting fishsticks in your mouth?

Cartman

Yeah?

Jimmy

Well, what are you, Eric? A gay fish?

Cartman

[thinks for a second] Fish...dicks. Aww, dude, that is funny as shit!