[Bart is impressed with Grampa's past heroism.]
Grampa, do you think I could have been in the Flying Hellfish?
You're a give-'em-hell daredevil with a never-say-die attitude and a fourth-grade education. You could've made sergeant!
S7Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish
Now, Burnsie, there's one thing we don't stand for in the Hellfish, and that's trying to kill your commanding officer. So consider this your dishonorable discharge: You're out of my unit. You're out of the tontine. And that means the paintings are mine! Private, you are dismissed!
I'd hug you, but I know it would just embarrass you.
I don't care who knows I love my grandpa.
[They embrace. Suddenly, Baron von Wortzenberger drives up to them]
BVBaron von Wurtzenberger
Hey funboys, get a room!
S7Much Apu About Nothing
What you're saying is so understandable. And really, your only crime was violating U.S. law.
[As Homer enters the Kwik-E-Mart, we are shown that Apu has decorated it with tons of American flags and is dressed in a baseball shirt and a cowboy hat.]
AApu
[speaking in a forced American accent rather than his natural Indian accent] Hey there, Homer. How's it hanging?
[walks past Apu] Low and lazy, so- [backs up and squints at Apu] Say something again.
AApu
Oh, you're just noticing the way I'm talking to you now. You see, it turns out [shows Homer the fake ID he purchased from Fat Tony earlier] I am an American citizen after all. Apparently, I just plum forgot about it. [forced laughter] Say, let's take a relaxed attitute toward work and watch the baseball match. The NY [pronounces it like the word "nigh"] Mets are my favorite squadron.
[notices that the statue of Ganesha that Apu previously had standing on the counter has been replaced by a magazine rack] Hey, you got rid of that goofy sacred elephant statue.
AApu
[hesitates] Oh, yeah. What was I thinking with that? Who needs the infinite compassion of Ganesha when I've got [takes a magazine off the rack, voice gets progressively louder and more agitated as his natural accent returns] Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman staring at me from Entertainment Weekly with their dead eyes?! [tosses the magazine aside] Look at me! I've betrayed my Indian heritage, sir! What would my parents think of me now? [he looks at the magazine he threw aside, as Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman on the cover speak in the voices of Apu's parents, repeating what they told him before he left for America]
TCTom Cruise/Apu's father
Make us proud, son.
NKNicole Kidman/Apu's mother
Never forget who you are.
Please identify this object.
AApu
It appears to be the flag that disappeared from the public library last year.
Correct. Now, we all know the thirteen stripes are for good luck, but why does the American flag have precisely forty-seven stars?
AApu
Because this particular flag is [chuckling] ridiculously out of date! The library must have purchased it during the brief period in 1912 after New Mexico became a state but before Arizona did.
Uh... partial credit.
PProctor
All right, here's your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?
AApu
Actually, there were numerous causes. Aside from the obvious schism between the abolitionists and the anti-abolitionists, economic factors, both domestic and international played a signi-
PProctor
Hey, hey...
AApu
Yeah.
PProctor
Just, just say slavery.
AApu
Slavery it is, sir.
S7Homerpalooza
Aww, it makes no sense; I haven't changed since high school and all of a sudden I'm uncool.
Nobody knows the band Grand Funk? The wild, shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner? The bong-rattling bass of Mel Schacher? The competent drum work of Don Brewer? Oh, man!
[1974. Homer and Barney are singing to the tune of Leo Sayer's "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing".]
[off-key] You make me feel like dancin'!
[off-key] I wanna dance the night away! [Abraham enters the scene]
What the hell are you two doin'?!
It's called "rocking out"!
You wouldn't understand, Dad. You're not with it.
I used to be "with it". But then they changed what it was! Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me. [points sinisterly at Homer] It'll happen to you!
[Homer shrugs off Abraham, looks at his reflection in the mirror happily]
No way, man! We're gonna keep on rockin' forever! Forever! Forever!
[fades to his dejected self in the mirror at present day]
[dejected] Forever... forever... forever...
I went to the record store today and they were playing all this music I never heard of. It was like the store had gone crazy!
Hmm. Record stores have always seemed crazy to me, but it doesn't upset me. Music is none of my business.
That's fine for you, Marge, but I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.
[During one of Homer's freak show performances.]
T1Teenager #1
Oh look, there's that cannonball guy. He's cool.
T2Teenager #2
Are you being sarcastic, dude?
T1Teenager #1
[after a pause] I don't even know any more...
[Homer informs Marge he want to join the Pageant of the Transmundane.]
So... you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show.
I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
Of course you have a choice.
How do you figure?
You don't have to join a freak show just because the opportunity came along. [Homer pauses for a beat]
You know, Marge, in some ways, you and I are very different people.
[Backstage at the Springfield Hullabalooza show, a backstage assistant enters with a group of musicians in tow.]
BABackstage Assistant
May I have your attention please! Who here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra? I repeat, someone here ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high!! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction!!!
[The Cypress Hill members talk among themselves for a bit.]
BRB-Real
Uh, yeah, I think we did...um, do you guys know "Insane in the Brain"?
OPOrchestra Player
We mostly know classical... but we could give it a shot.
[The track drops for "Insane In The Brain", and Cypress Hill dances as the symphony orchestra starts to play its own interpretation.]
Now, this, I like.
S7Summer of 4 Ft. 2
Well, did you call one of your friends?
Friends? Hah! These are my only friends. Grown up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will.
Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.