Well, did you call one of your friends?
Friends? Hah! These are my only friends. Grown up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will.
Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.
“Summer of 4 Ft. 2” · Season 7
In this episode: Homer Simpson (3), Marge Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (3), Bart Simpson (2), Milhouse Van Houten (1)
EErin
So, you like hanging out?
Well, it beats doin' stuff.
EErin
Totally. Stuff sucks.
[Homer walks up to the counter in a convenience store.]
Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields... [rapid undertone] and some illegal fireworks... [normal voice] and one of those disposable enemas. You know what? Make it two.
CClerk
My apologies, sir, but the sale of fireworks is strictly prohibited in this state and is punishable by a— [sees the only other customer in the store walk out the door] follow me.
[Homer follows the store clerk to his secret stash of illegal fireworks]
CClerk
Any red-blooded, flag-fearing American would love... the M-320. Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it.
All right.
[Lisa is eating in the kitchen and Marge is in the background. Bart enters]
Hey Lis. [sits beside her] I guess my little yearbook stunt was pretty rough but it did teach you a lesson. It's important to be yourself. [Marge leaves]
[Grabs Bart by his shirt and whispers to him] I know exactly who I am. I am the sister of a rotten, jealous, mean, little sneak! [grabs a syrup bottle] You cost me my only friends! [holds the bottle on top of Bart's head, threatening him] You've ruined my life! [squeezes the bottle, but Marge re-enters the room. Lisa starts eating again and Bart looks at Lisa scared]
Hey kids! there's a carnival tonight!
[appears from behind a cereal box] Oh boy, a carnival!
[Marge is looking through the grocery bag filled with embarrassing hygiene and sexual products Homer bought at the convenience store.]
Ew, Homer. Whatever you're planning for tonight, count me out. Didn't you buy any meat?
[patting the giant firework] Hee, hee, hee! This baby's sure to kill somethin'!
This is the worst Fourth of July ever. I hate America!
[After Lisa finds out that the beach kids decorated the family car with seashells.]
SWEET, MERCIFUL CRAP! My car!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.