[to Nikki, after she kisses him on the cheek] I love you!
S21Stealing First Base
S21The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed
[about Flanders] I think he's trying to get Dad into Heaven.
Great, more Hell for me!
I am trying to save myself from going to Hell.
Jews don't believe in Hell.
No Hell! Thank you, kid, you made my day.[heads over to the Gaza Strip Club]
I am the Messiah, come to save the world! Look upon me and shudder!
I already do that.
[In Homer's vision, he sees the characters from VeggieTales. Homer starts to cry.]
LCLarry the Cucumber
You have been chosen, Homer.
Chosen to be what, oh mighty Gerkin!?
S21American History X-cellent
Grab your scripts, people. We open in twenty minutes. Break a leg! [to a passing man] I said break a leg! [the man takes a hammer and hits the knee of his right leg, which cracks] For God's sake, man, it's a figure of speech! You're fired. [the man hobbles offscreen]
I am so glad I'm not your kid.
Well I'm so glad I'm not your mom.
You should be. If I was in your tummy, I'd poo in your throat.
Eww, eww, eww! I'll never get that image out of my head!
Yeah, the war's over and the future won. The past never had a chance man.
S21Chief of Hearts
[to several boys at Dylan's party] Hey, dinks. Whatcha dweebin'?
B1Boy 1
[scoffs] You don't know Battle Balls?
B2Boy 2
It's a Japanense card game based on a cartoon, based on an ancient religion, based on a candy bar.
B3Boy 3
It makes Digimon look like Pokémon.
What?! Impossible!
[fighting against a gunman, while protecting Homer] Take your hands off my brother from another mother.
[To Ralph] How'd a pull-up like you get a great card like that?
My not-dead grandma sent it from Tokyo.
Ralph, I'll play you for that card.
Okay, but if I win, you have to teach me how to play this game.
Deal!
S21The Squirt and the Whale
Look at this electric bill! I'm not made of money! I'm made of man-meat and a skeleton!
Lisa, bring the car around.
But I don't know how to drive.
Haven't you learned anything from watching Bart drive?
A little...
Those baby whales are doomed, just like their mom! Oh, I guess it's just nature's way...
[pulling up in a motorboat] Nature is a toothless, dying hag! We're gonna save those whale babies!
[aiming at the sharks with a harpoon] Shark Week just got cancelled.
SHSea Hugger 1
Drop the 'poon!
Oh, come on, leave me alone! I'm trying to save your precious whales!
SHSea Hugger 1
We're not here to protect the whales, we're here to protect the sharks.
SHSea Hugger 2
Did you know that over 40 million sharks are slaughtered every year to make shark fin soup?
What the--?! You like sharks?!
SHSea Hugger 1
Being a true eco-activist means supporting every animal's struggle for life.
SHSea Hugger 2
Except for cockroaches. Yuck!
SHSea Hugger 1
Linda, please.
Pfft! Typical eco-jerks, using words to talk! [speeds past them]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.