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S21

The Simpsons · Season 21

“Stealing First Base” quotes from The Simpsons

9 quotes

“Stealing First Base” · Season 21

In this episode: Bart Simpson (6), Homer Simpson (3), Nikki (3), Marge Simpson (2), Nelson Muntz (1), Seymour Skinner (1), Ralph Wiggum (1), Grampa Simpson (1)

Um, this is the last seat, so...

[Nikki scoots over for Bart to share her desk, but she takes out her Fruit by the Foot bar, and she pulls it out, putting a line between her desk]

My side, your side.

[looks at Nikki's pink pencil case with her name on it] Hi, Nikki. I'm Bart. This situation, it's nuts, right? Oh, look at you-- opening a book so you won't have to talk to me. I'm just gonna be tuning up the old armpit. [Bart blows his pitch pipe and does armpit fart sounds. Nikki slightly smiles.]

Oh, man, you girls ruin everything-- even vampires.

Hey, vampires are cool outsiders who love girls who hate cheerleaders.

No, they're all about chomping neck. And they don't put product in their hair like this loser. [Draws a picture of a vampire holding a tommy gun and an alien's decapitated head]

They look like this. [Shows the picture he drew]

[amazed] Awesome picture.

Can I draw a robot barfing screws on your arm with my Sharpie?

I... I'd like that. [Nikki pulls up her sleeve, so Bart can draw a robot barfing screws on her right arm. He laughs while doing so and writes his name on the bottom.]

And... finished.

I cheated the wrong way! I wrote the Lisa name and gave the Ralph answers!

It's not my fault, Grampa told me to kiss her!

[scoffs] Why didn't you just tell him to club her on her head and drag her into a cave?

You mean second base? Whoa, he's a little young for that.

Well, if I talk to Nikki, I'm sure I can--

No! If you go near her one more time, we'll be sued into the poorhouse and have to eat garbage forever!

That's no problem, Mom can make garbage taste great.

[genuinely touched, hugging him] Thank you!

Well, I mean it.

And it means the world to me.

Oh, Bart, I hate to see you like this. [She kisses Bart on the lips] Aw, look who's all confused.

Huh?

[Nikki kisses him again]

What the hell are you doing?!

I'm kissing you, stupid.

You're the biggest psycho I ever met!

You wanna stop?

Absolutely not.

[Nikki kisses Bart for the third time]

Oh! I finally caught one of Bart's school plays.

That's not Bart, that's Principal Skinner. Bart's sitting right next to you.

Yeah, now that I look closer, that guy couldn't fool anybody.

Shut up, fatso.

[turns red with anger] Why you little… [furiously runs into the stage and angrily strangles Skinner, Martin and Wendell drags him off the stage]

KKevin

Nelson, now that the bans have been lifted, let me touch your face. That way, I can see you with my fingers. [touches Nelson's face] Eww! I said your face, not your butt!

Aw, you feel comfortable enough to mock me. [punches him] That's for mocking me!

KKevin

Nelson... your punch restored my vision! I can see again!

Really?! Kevin, that's wonderf--

KKevin

Haw haw!

The student has become the master!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.