[reading] Canned and frozen juices are more popular than ever these days, but most bachelors we know would prefer to squeeze their own tomatoes.
S16All's Fair in Oven War
MMoe
Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.
[reading a note from Lisa] I look up to you... because you let me down. That's clever. And devastating.
I'm just spreading the Playdude philosophy... hi-fi's, Norman Mailer, gettin' some.
Um... what do you think "some" is?
Uh... toys?
Hey sweetie, is mom winning?
[Preparing to teach Bart about sex] Son, do you know what a "boob" is?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, good. That will save us some time.
Okay, why do you think your mother and I sleep in the same bed?
Because we're poor?
Exactly, and we're poor because we have kids. And the biological method by which children are created by a man and a woman is...
[cut to outside of the treehouse; Bart can be heard screaming, and quickly runs to Milhouse's house]
Then the man...
[Bart and Milhouse can be heard screaming; they run to other children's houses]
BMBart and Milhouse
Then the woman...
[Bart and Milhouse can be heard screaming, and run to two more houses, screaming and many kids run to many houses]
Well, better they hear it from me, now, than from their parents when they're old enough.
Someone somewhere says I'm better than someone else.
S16Sleeping With the Enemy
[Homer's making a sketch of himself for Lisa, in explaining "the Simpson butt"]
Every Simpson starts with a circle. Daddy has one big circle here...[belly]...then a smaller one up here...[chest]...two big, sexy circles for eyes, one macho muzzle...then a snappy new outfit. Ooh, I'm looking good. [draws pants] Ooh, cuffs, yeah. And for some reason, my hair and ear form an "M" and a "G". [completes sketch]
[when he sees Nelson helping Marge out with the garden] My mother... My bully... My God!!!
A doctor for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?
He who ha-has last, ha-has best.
Bart did get 100. I gave a test on state capitals, but I forgot to roll up the map. Everyone got 100.
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck-
[Fast forward to hours later, where everyone clearly frustrated and/or asleep]
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,-
Say goose, you stupid freak!
[Ralph runs out of the room crying]
What, I'm not fat enough already?! How could you say that to me?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.