“Sleeping With the Enemy” · Season 16
In this episode: Marge Simpson (4), Nelson Muntz (4), Homer Simpson (3), Bart Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (2), Ralph Wiggum (2), Principal Skinner (1), Agnes Skinner (1)
[Homer's making a sketch of himself for Lisa, in explaining "the Simpson butt"]
Every Simpson starts with a circle. Daddy has one big circle here...[belly]...then a smaller one up here...[chest]...two big, sexy circles for eyes, one macho muzzle...then a snappy new outfit. Ooh, I'm looking good. [draws pants] Ooh, cuffs, yeah. And for some reason, my hair and ear form an "M" and a "G". [completes sketch]
[when he sees Nelson helping Marge out with the garden] My mother... My bully... My God!!!
A doctor for your teeth? What's next, a lawyer for your hair?
He who ha-has last, ha-has best.
Bart did get 100. I gave a test on state capitals, but I forgot to roll up the map. Everyone got 100.
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck-
[Fast forward to hours later, where everyone clearly frustrated and/or asleep]
Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck,-
Say goose, you stupid freak!
[Ralph runs out of the room crying]
What, I'm not fat enough already?! How could you say that to me?!
[about Bart and Lisa to Marge]
They're just asserting their independence. If a child doesn't do it now, it may never happen.
Seymour! Do you want your vitamin in apple sauce or are you gonna take it like a big boy?
[quietly] Apple sauce.
Come on Lisa, say everything's fine. [in a squeaky girly voice] Everything's fine.
That was you!
Prove it!
Bart's my bestest boyfriend.
[to Marge] Oh, what's the big deal? Bart didn't like his presents. So what? It's not like he gives us such great gifts. Remember that maple leaf ironed between the sheets of wax paper? What was that? That was crap.
It's not just the presents. The kids don't appreciate me anymore. They'd rather hang out with their friends than with their mom.
So they're growing up. Soon, they'll be leaving the nest, and you'll have time for yourself. Hundreds of thousands of hours. And then the peace of the grave.
[pointing to the bats at the zoo] Haw haw! You're nocturnal!
You don't have to impress me by making fun of others. I already like you.
Haw haw! I'm starting to let down my guard. Haw haw!
Nelson, how'd you like to earn some extra money around the house? I have some odd jobs my kids won't do.
Yeah, I get the feeling Bart isn't everything he could be in the son department.
Oh. Sometimes I think he's more interested in his "Itchy and Mitchy" cartoons than me.
Hey, I'm sure it's just a phase, like when I used to stand on the overpass and drop computers on the highway.
That's how we got our Kaypro.
It'll be B.L.A.M.! Bart, Lisa, and Mom! Hmmm?
Mom, when I want lame and needy, I'll call Milhouse.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
