The Simpsons · Season 16
[about Bart and Lisa to Marge]
They're just asserting their independence. If a child doesn't do it now, it may never happen.
Seymour! Do you want your vitamin in apple sauce or are you gonna take it like a big boy?
[quietly] Apple sauce.
Come on Lisa, say everything's fine. [in a squeaky girly voice] Everything's fine.
That was you!
Prove it!
Bart's my bestest boyfriend.
[to Marge] Oh, what's the big deal? Bart didn't like his presents. So what? It's not like he gives us such great gifts. Remember that maple leaf ironed between the sheets of wax paper? What was that? That was crap.
It's not just the presents. The kids don't appreciate me anymore. They'd rather hang out with their friends than with their mom.
So they're growing up. Soon, they'll be leaving the nest, and you'll have time for yourself. Hundreds of thousands of hours. And then the peace of the grave.
[pointing to the bats at the zoo] Haw haw! You're nocturnal!
You don't have to impress me by making fun of others. I already like you.
Haw haw! I'm starting to let down my guard. Haw haw!
Nelson, how'd you like to earn some extra money around the house? I have some odd jobs my kids won't do.
Yeah, I get the feeling Bart isn't everything he could be in the son department.
Oh. Sometimes I think he's more interested in his "Itchy and Mitchy" cartoons than me.
Hey, I'm sure it's just a phase, like when I used to stand on the overpass and drop computers on the highway.
That's how we got our Kaypro.
It'll be B.L.A.M.! Bart, Lisa, and Mom! Hmmm?
Mom, when I want lame and needy, I'll call Milhouse.
You know Chloe some of us stayed in this town and made it a better place.
Oh come on Marge, the only reason we don't move out of this dung hill is because of my court ordered ankle bracelet. [Reveals a beeping bracelet on his right ankle] I'm here! I'm here! Quit bugging me.
Why do you always have to show that to company?
It's a conversation starter. [short pause]
[moans]
I would've followed Chloe, but my plans changed when God brought me a wonderful little boy. Bart, stop that!
[Shows Bart cutting the TV with a saw]
This isn't what it looks like. [continues sawing]
Uh oh. The Christian Science Monitor has a flat tire.
I'll get the spare.
No! [praying] We must wait for God to jack us.
What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night. Then came the heart attacks.
Channel 6 News rocks! A car chase every night or the weather girl wears a tube top, and if she doesn't, you win a pizza!
Marge, where are you living now?
[mumbling] Evergreen Terrace.
Paris? Just like you always dreamed!
Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.
[to Homer] I remember you in high school. You barfed in my tuba.
I believe it was the school's tuba.
[to Marge] Oh Honey, her life can't compare to yours. You got three kids, a TV tray from Expo '67, and you're married to King Stink.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
