Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong with that Man's Face?"
S9Lisa the Simpson
[about Lisa] Aw, she's just upset 'cause I told her her brain's turnin' to mush. On account of the Simpson gene!
"Simpson gene?" That's just foolishness!
No. Baldness, too.
Dear log, can it be true? Do all Simpsons go through a process of dumbening? Wait, that's not how you spell "dumbening". Wait, dumbening isn't even a word. Hmm, I've got to find out more.
I'm strongly opposed to Proposition umm 3-3-0-5...
TPTV Producer
You're against discount bus fares for war widows?
You bet I am!
[on TV] I'm supposed to be talking to you today about Proposition 3305...
Moochin' war widows!
Wow. Dad was a good speller?
Oh, your dad used to be as smart as a monkey, then his mind started gettin' lazy and now he's as dumb as a chimp.
Grampa!
Hey, I am too. And your brother's coming along nicely. Look at Bart's homework. Back when he was your age, he was as smart as a chimp. (opens up a box labeled "Bart". On top of a stack of homework is a paper of Bart's from the second grade, with a smiley face and the words "Great Work!" written next to it)
This is just two years ago!
That's right. Then the Simpson genes kicked in! (leafs through the paper like an animator's flip book. The smiley faces on the corners gradually turn into frowns and eventually, the skull and crossbones)
AApu
Come one, come all! See the amazing frozen man! Also gaze at the Frito found in a bag of Doritos! Marvel at the floor that just won't come clean!
I rounded up every Simpson in the tri-city area so I can prove to you there's nothing wrong with the Simpson genes. This is your great uncle Chet. Go ahead, Chet. Tell her what you do.
CChet
I run an unsuccessful shrimp company.
[Nervous] Oh.. but you.. RUN it.. right?
CChet
OH Yea.
Okay.. uh.. this is your second cousin, Stanley!
SStanley
Um.. I shoot birds at the airport.
[More nervous] Everybody hates birds.. right? [Frantically looks for a successful relative. He spots a dapper looking fellow smoking a cigar.] Wehh, you look pretty successful!
GGuy
Thanks! I play a millionaire at parties. [Face drops] At least, I'd.. like to.
You probably should have researched this first, eh dad?
What about you?
G2Guy 2
Well, sir, I step in front of cars and sue the drivers.
G3Guy 3
I beg celebrities for money!
G4Guy 4
I'm a prison snitch.
G5Guy 5
Jug band manager.
G6Guy 6
My legs hurt!
S9This Little Wiggy
Kids, this is Robbie the Automaton.
RARobbie the Automaton
Greetings, Earth children.
Where are you from?
RARobbie the Automaton
[pause] Earth.
What a whimsical building. Who says science can't be fun?
Me. I smell a museum.
Yeah, good things don't end with -eum, they end with -mania, or –teria. Will there be beer?
I found a moon rock in my nose.
Houston, we have a booger.
Your dad is chief of police, doesn't he have any cool police stuff?
Just in his closet, but he said I'm not allowed to go in there.
Did he say I'm not allowed to go in there?
Yes.
[to Ralph] You know you're not suppose to go in there. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
The pointy kitty took it! [after a rat stole his key]
Whoa, mama, the electric chair! [sniffs] Smell that, Ralph? That's the smell of justice.
Smells like hot dogs.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.