Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what it's like in there?
Um, it's like, uh... did anyone see the movie Tron?
LovejoyNo.
Yes. I no. I mean, no. No.
[Frink draws a strange diagram on the wall]
Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into... [lights off] the third di-mension.
[switches the light on] Sorry.
[draws a square on the chalkboard] Here is an ordinary square.
Whoa, whoa! Slow down, egghead.
But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe... along the hypothetical "Z" axis there.
This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube, or a "Frinkahedron," in honor of its discoverer, n-gl'hey, n'hey.
[in echo voice] Help me! Are you helping me? Or are you going on and on?
Oh, right. And, of course, within we find the doomed individual.
Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake. We need action!
[Wiggum takes out his gun and fires into the wall]
Take that, you lousy dimension!
[in echo's voice, disembodied] Help! I don't have much time.
That does it! I'm going in!
[Bart runs into the dimension, but Marge catches him and fails. He keeps running until he turns 3D too and looks around]
[the camera rotates and zooms out into a bird's-eye view of the green grid, Homer is nearing the edge of the green grid]
Oh, my God! I'm gonna be sucked into a black hole! I'm gonna be sucked into oblivion! And what's gonna become of me of the other side? I don't know!
[Bart climbs onto the XYZ street sign]
I can't get any closer. You'll have to jump!
[runs into a hole, breaks into pieces]
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap--
[the world exploses as Bart gets pulled back]
Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed on itself. But dad seemed cautiously optimistic!
[in echo's voice] Craaaap!
Lovejoy
Be strong, Marge. I'm sure he's gone to a better place.
We're the sauce on your steak
We're the cheese in your cake
We put the spring in Springfield
S1Showgirl 1
We're the lace on the nightgown
S2Showgirl 2
The point after touchdown
BSBelle/Showgirls
Yes, we put the spring in Springfield
We're that little extra spice that makes existence extra-nice
A giddy little thrill at a reasonable price
Lovejoy
Our only major quarrel's with your total lack of morals
S3Showgirl 3
Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad
S3Showgirls 3/4
They seem to entertain your dad!
Reverend Lovejoy
Mmm, yes, I remember Satan's Little Helper...littering the rectory with his dirt, biting me in the apse.
[yells angrily] He unholied the holy water!
That's him, all right. I'll be happy to take him off your hands.
Reverend
Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, Bart. He's no longer among us.
[gasps in terror] You didn't crucify him?
Reverend
[hearty laugh] No, he's safely with one of our parishioners. I'll give you his address if you like.
And then buy something or get out! [Rev. Lovejoy gives her an angry look.] Angel.
Lovejoy
And the very same goes for Ezekiel, which brings us back to our starting point, The Nine Tenets of Constancy.
[yawns and hits his head on the back of the bench] DAMN IT!!! [the churchgoers gasp]
Lovejoy
[sternly clears throat] I seem to have lost my place, so I'll start over.
Oh, for the love of crumb cake!
[Homer wins the children's nuclear power plant model contest, and everyone cheers. For Grimes, this is the last straw...]
I can't stand it any longer! This whole plant is insane! Insane, I tell you! [snaps mentally] DAAGH! AAGH! [He runs out into the corridor] I can be lazy too! [yanks off his tie, and moons one of the employees] Look at me! Hi, I'm a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion! [He pulls up his pants and waddles away, cross-eyed, like a penguin. He enters the break room and grabs two donuts from a donut box] Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! [Homer, Smithers and several other employees watch as Grimes scoffs down nearly all the donuts in the box, then runs into the men's bathroom. From the bathroom] I'm peeing on the seat! Give me a raise! [comes out of the bathroom and waves his hands in Homer's face] Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands! But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson! [He runs into Homer's work station and spins around in the chair] I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me! [puts his feet up, and smacks himself on the forehead] D'oh, d'oh, d'oh!
[looking worried] Hey, you okay, Grimey?
[getting up] I'm better than okay - I'm Homer Simpson!
[noticing Mr. Burns] Oh, hi, Mr. Burns. I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster! [He notices some dangerous-looking wires on the wall] What's this? [reads sign] "Extremely High Voltage". Well, I don't need safety gloves, because I'm Homer Simp--
[He grabs the wires and electrocutes himself; everyone winces. Frank Grimes' funeral is underway]
Reverend Lovejoy
Frank Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragically cut short...
[drooling and muttering in his sleep] Change the channel, Marge!
[All the mourners and Reverend Lovejoy laugh]
[Everyone continues to laugh as Frank's coffin is lowered into the ground]
[Rev. Lovejoy tries to knock out Homer, but fails.]
Rev. Lovejoy
Oh, the devil's given him superhuman strength.
[Snatches the bat from Reverend.] Gimme that, you noodle-armed choir boy!
[Willie tries to knock out Homer, but fails as well.]
Rev. Lovejoy
Well that didn't do it, Mr. Kilt.
WWiggum
All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.
Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!
You can't make us come down!
You adults are always giving orders!
Well, you kids are always disobeying them!
Well, adults treat kids like children!
Kids treat adults like cash machines!
[Song starts]
Rev. Lovejoy
Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!
Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!
WWiggum
Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]
Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]
Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!
Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!
RTRod and Todd
Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]
AAdults
Oh, what a bunch of brats!
We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]
Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!
Adults! They're always telling us to--
[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!
Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]
OFOld Folks
We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...
AAdults
Don't you treat us like...
KKids
Can't you just lay off...
OFOld Folks
We're sick of all of you...
EEveryone
KIDS...TO...DAY!
[Song ends]
We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!
Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?
Buzz off, you old buzzards!
[The adults and kids all angry throw taunts and insults at the old folks]
You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.
Reverend Lovejoy
In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catchphrases or comical accents.
SMThe Sea Captain/Captain McCallister
Yargh.
Professor Frink (sobbing): Oh glay-vin! Why glay-vin?
Reverend Lovejoy
But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there...and we thought she always would be.
Now let's welcome Springfield's original God couple, Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders.
(singing) The Camptown Ladies sing this song
Lovejoy
(singing) Homer Simpson's breath is strong, oh the do-dah--
Hey, hey, now hold on there. The nice people wanna hear the real words.
Lovejoy
But Ned, I was singing the real words.
Oh, lets just take it from the top. (sings) The Camptown Ladies sing this song
Lovejoy
The Camptown racetrack's five miles long
Lovejoy
Homer's breath smells bad
Oh, those are not the words!
[Reverend Lovejoy is forced to leave the Church]
Lovejoy
It's okay, the Flanders have offered to put me up.
And, Reverend, you'll be bunking with me.
[Lovejoy shudders]
Reverend Lovejoy
So, is there truly anyone among us without regrets?
Oh, I didn't see you there.
Speaking of return on investments, my Apple stock is up 3,500%.
Aw, you misheard that on purpose!
Rev. Lovejoy
Bless you all for sacrificing your Saturday afternoon to help us clean up skid row.
When God came for Sunday I said nothing. Now he comes for Saturday.
Homer Simpson, it's one thing to moan and groan on the bus, but in front of these unfortunates, well... [scoffs] that just curls my 'stache! [his mustache curls a bit]
Hey, Flanders, why don't you take some advice from your Bible and zip it?
Oh, where does the Bible say "zip it"!?
It's the first thing the burning bush said to Moses! [a homeless man approaches Homer]
HMHomeless Man
Thank you for teaching us Scripture. [hugs Homer while he shows his tongue to Ned] Thank you.
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
