[Stabs a knife into the bullet wound on his arm] Let's see. Cartilage. Cartilage. Muscle. [Screams] NERVE! [Blood spurts out] Artery. Bullet! [Flicks the bullet out of his arm]
S15 E19Simple Simpson
[grabs out a pie in the power plant] I'll show him! [spots Lisa] No, I shouldn't! [spots Bart] Or should I?
HPHomer/Pie Man
I've ran out of pie-related puns! [throws a pie at Mr. Burns by accident]
[After Bart as Cupcake Kid holds a time watch in the deleted scene, making Nelson spin around inside the teacup ride, the kids are watching. Bart pulls the lever to stop, Nelson flies off on one of the spinning teacups. The ride slows down in a few seconds.]
[holding a watch] A minute, and five seconds. That's a new record. Come on, let's go.
[A loud crashing sound is heard. Bart runs to Nelson, who looks ill.]
Oh, no. Nelson. Are you OK?
No. I think I'm going to be sick.
[After revealing to Lisa that he's the Pie Man] Any-hoo, this has to be a surprise, eh? Mild-mannered Homer Simpson...
You're not mild-mannered. You're often liquored up and rude.
S15 E20The Way We Weren't
I'm telling Mr. Bart!
[talking to an empty beer bottle] You never got a chance to become my urine!
[working as the judge in "Simpson Family Court"] Now up, the case of Simpson v. Simpson.
Mr. Simpson, do you think it's appropriate for a ten-year old boy to steal a beer with intent to kiss?
Do you think it was appropriate to bet against your son's little-league team?
Wh-? Permission to treat this witness as hostile? [takes out a baseball bat]
YLYoung Lenny
Now, Homer, if you're gonna go, you better take some protection. [gives him a switchblade]
Whoo, a switchblade! [eyes it closely] I see the switch, but where's the blade? [camera moves out of the cottage, we hear the blade opening] OOOOWW!! Found it.
This is so confusing. [turns to "judge" Lisa] I'd like a brief recess.
Granted. [brings the gavel down]
Whee! Recess! [runs out and goes swinging on a swing]
Let me get this straight: when you were my age, you had the hots for mom and didn't even know it? Oh, that's cool! Or is that lame? I guess I'll go with lame. You're lame!
Why? Because I only kissed one girl in my whole life? That's still one more than you.
I've kissed three girls.
[cries] I'm so lame!
CLCamp Land-a-man instructor
Excellent. Girls, see how Marge's legs are slanted? You make Jackie O look like a splay-legged milkhorse. Now stand and walk.
[girl Marge walks in an uncomfortable, "proper" manner]
IInstructor
Well done. I'd be proud if you grew up to be my husband's mistress.
CFCamp Flab-away instructor
So, you thought you could make a break for it, did you? Well, no one ever escapes from fat camp. 'Cause the only way out is up a gentle slope.
Marge, I'm really sorry I hurt you, but I've done way worse stuff since then. There was the gun I hid from you, the time I sued the church, ruining Lisa's wedding in the future, remember that?
[going through his "Memory Box"] Whoo, a letter from my old pen pal! Someday I'll write you back, Osama.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.