I'm telling Mr. Bart!
“The Way We Weren't” · Season 15, Episode 20
In this episode: Homer Simpson (7), Bart Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Ralph Wiggum (1)
[talking to an empty beer bottle] You never got a chance to become my urine!
[working as the judge in "Simpson Family Court"] Now up, the case of Simpson v. Simpson.
Mr. Simpson, do you think it's appropriate for a ten-year old boy to steal a beer with intent to kiss?
Do you think it was appropriate to bet against your son's little-league team?
Wh-? Permission to treat this witness as hostile? [takes out a baseball bat]
YLYoung Lenny
Now, Homer, if you're gonna go, you better take some protection. [gives him a switchblade]
Whoo, a switchblade! [eyes it closely] I see the switch, but where's the blade? [camera moves out of the cottage, we hear the blade opening] OOOOWW!! Found it.
This is so confusing. [turns to "judge" Lisa] I'd like a brief recess.
Granted. [brings the gavel down]
Whee! Recess! [runs out and goes swinging on a swing]
Let me get this straight: when you were my age, you had the hots for mom and didn't even know it? Oh, that's cool! Or is that lame? I guess I'll go with lame. You're lame!
Why? Because I only kissed one girl in my whole life? That's still one more than you.
I've kissed three girls.
[cries] I'm so lame!
CLCamp Land-a-man instructor
Excellent. Girls, see how Marge's legs are slanted? You make Jackie O look like a splay-legged milkhorse. Now stand and walk.
[girl Marge walks in an uncomfortable, "proper" manner]
IInstructor
Well done. I'd be proud if you grew up to be my husband's mistress.
CFCamp Flab-away instructor
So, you thought you could make a break for it, did you? Well, no one ever escapes from fat camp. 'Cause the only way out is up a gentle slope.
Marge, I'm really sorry I hurt you, but I've done way worse stuff since then. There was the gun I hid from you, the time I sued the church, ruining Lisa's wedding in the future, remember that?
[going through his "Memory Box"] Whoo, a letter from my old pen pal! Someday I'll write you back, Osama.
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