The Simpsons · Season 12
Dear Lord, bless this humble meal, and do you hear about Krusty? Whoo, man! I knew he was a player but, jeez, a kid!
Homer, that's not a prayer, that's gossip.
Fine, I'll discuss heavenly matters. [to God] So how's Maude Flanders doing up there? Is she playing the field? Oh, yeah, really? All those guys? [family stares at him in shock] Amen. [starts eating]
Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things, or says stuff or looks at ya. But the love is there!
I can't believe you would gamble with something that meant so much to me.
Wait, time out. Four aces is not a gamble.
Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?
I ain't sayin' nothin'.
But what'll I tell the doctor?
Tell him to suck a lemon.
[As he's running from the mob shooting at him] Hey, I said I was sorry.
Well, in that case we'll stop. What a class act and nice guy. [They stop shooting]
Sorry, you are such jerks.
Shut up, Updike!
Moe [throws open the door of his shack and brandishes a box cutter]: Hey, no menus!
Oh no! My baby's up there!
It's okay, Mom! [holds up rope] I have a safety line!
[to Jesse] This is your fault, with your non-threatening Bobby-Sherman-style good looks! No girl could resist your charms!
This was her choice, Mr. Simpson.
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. I was lost in your eyes.
I'm a level five vegan. I won't eat anything that casts a shadow.
[after the runaway tree destroys Hemp World] Yeehaw! Score one for the bad guys!
Mom, Dad, there's something I have to do. You're not gonna like it, but I really believe it's the right thing. [leaves]
Marge, she's gonna narc on our stash!
We don't have a stash.
[shifty eyes] No, of... course not.
[After Smithers told him about his musical about Malibu Stacy, a doll] Well, why not write a musical about the common cat, or the King of Siam?
When did we become the bottom rung of society?
I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.
Whether you're Christian, or just non-Jewish, everyone loves Santa Claus!
It doesn't look like you've been saving anything for the future!
Well, you know how it is with cops. I'll be shot three days before retirement. In the business, we call it retirony.
Well, what if you don't get shot?
What a terrible thing to say! Oh, look! You made my wife cry!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
