[Bart imagines spending Christmas in juvenile hall with the bullies]
GGuard
Stand behind the yellow line. You will now receive your gift donated by the port of authority lost and found office. Pass your chip to Santa to receive your Christmas present. If you do not have a chip, you will not receive a gift.
Whoa, the March Aid newspaper.
NNelson
[receiving a carpet samples book] Cool, a book of carpet samples.
Come on new bike. [drops his chip in and is disappointed when he receives a dirty wig] Aw, a soiled wig.
SSanta
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
NNelson
Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up.
Aren't you gonna say, "Ha-ha"?
NNelson
Oh, by no means. [sits down]: My dad left my mom after she got hooked on cough drops. By the end [voice breaks], her breath was so fresh...she wasn't really my mother anymore.
Oh, so I guess I'm not alone.
Ah, you'll do fine. My divorce was tough on my kid [slides over and reveals a child who bears a strong resemblance to Kearney], but he got over it.
KSKearney's Son
I sleep in a drawer.
[Wendell and his colleagues get food poisoning from the oysters at the Princes' backyard.]
Oh, my tummmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy!!!! [collapses on Martin Sr.'s shoes]
Martin Sr.: [to Martha] I told you we should've served cake instead of oysters!
NNelson
[punches Martin] Ha-haugh... [collapses on the ground]
FRFiring range Instructor
Since you attended public school, I'm gonna assume you're already proficient with small arms, so we're gonna start you with something a little more advanced. [hands Bart a MGL]
Ho-ho, baby! [fires off 5 grenades. 4 hit the targets, but the 5th flies off into the distance]
FRFiring range instructor
4 out of 5, Simpson. Impressive, but you missed your last target.
[Cut to a blackened and dumbstruck Principal Skinner, standing next to a smoking crater where his car used to be. Nelson watches in the background from the classroom window]
But I can't go out dressed like this! What if someone sees me?
You're just going to our backyard, no one will see you.
NNelson
[off-camera, as Bart opens door] HA-
[pointing towards door after Bart closes it] Mmmm!
NNelson
[still off-camera] -HA!
[Nelson is crushing Wendell's nose with chopsticks.]
Ow, I can't breathe! Please stop him!
SSkinner
I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic immunity.
Point of order, if we want to learn anything, we must respect--
Point of "odor," Lisa stinks.
[children laugh]
STSherri/Terri
Hey, leave her alone.
NNelson
You leave her alone.
[children are all shouting at each other]
{Principal Skinner restores order by banging his shoe on the desk}
PSPrincipal Skinner
Order, order! Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?
NNelson
[taking an orange out of the cooler) Hey Simpson, race ya!
[taking an apple out] First one to the front of the bus gets Martin's lunch money.
[The two put their fruits on the floor of the bus, beginning to roll to the front]
[Ralph puts a banana on the floor]
This is all Lisa's fault! She had the idea of that stupid UN club!
Hey, Martin seconded the motion. It's entirely his fault.
NNelson
People, people, let's not blame each other. We all know this is Milhouse's fault.
And the doctor told me that both my eyes were lazy, and that's why it was the best summer ever!
HMs. Hoover
Thank you, Ralph. Now take your seat. [Ralph exits the classroom]
NNelson
[offscreen] Hey Blindy, have a nice trip!
[at an arcade]
NNelson
What can I get for 8,000 tickets?
CClerk
Uh, a BB gun or an Easy Bake Oven.
NNelson
Hmmm...Hot food is tempting, but I just can't say no to a weapon.
[Bart and Lisa are outside the boys' bathroom]
Hey, I can't go in there!
Relax, there's nothing here you didn't see when Dad boycotted pants.
[Bart and Lisa knock on a closed stall door in the boys' bathroom]
NNelson
Hang on, I'll buzz you in. [short pause] Buzz.
WWiggum
All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.
Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!
You can't make us come down!
NNelson
You adults are always giving orders!
Well, you kids are always disobeying them!
Well, adults treat kids like children!
Kids treat adults like cash machines!
[Song starts]
Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!
Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!
WWiggum
Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]
Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]
Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!
Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!
RTRod and Todd
Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]
AAdults
Oh, what a bunch of brats!
We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]
Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
NNelson
Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!
Adults! They're always telling us to--
[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!
Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]
OFOld Folks
We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...
AAdults
Don't you treat us like...
KKids
Can't you just lay off...
OFOld Folks
We're sick of all of you...
EEveryone
KIDS...TO...DAY!
[Song ends]
We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!
Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?
Buzz off, you old buzzards!
[The adults and kids all angry throw taunts and insults at the old folks]
You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
