[phoning in sick to work] Can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers; I have smallpox. Well it wasn't wiped out in my house!
“Das Bus” · Season 9
In this episode: Bart Simpson (5), Homer Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (3), Nelson Muntz (3), Ralph Wiggum (3), Sherri (3), Terri (2), Principal Skinner (1)
[Nelson is crushing Wendell's nose with chopsticks.]
Ow, I can't breathe! Please stop him!
SSkinner
I'd like to, but I'm afraid he has diplomatic immunity.
Point of order, if we want to learn anything, we must respect--
Point of "odor," Lisa stinks.
[children laugh]
STSherri/Terri
Hey, leave her alone.
You leave her alone.
[children are all shouting at each other]
[singing] O, Canada
{Principal Skinner restores order by banging his shoe on the desk}
PSPrincipal Skinner
Order, order! Do you kids want to be like the real U.N., or do you just want to squabble and waste time?
[The bus is rising with water, Wendell's drowning and Bart looks at his black friend, Lewis.]
[to Lewis] I guess this is the end, Wendell.
[pointing to Wendell, the white kid] He's Wendell, I'm Lewis.
Well, whatever. Just tell Wendell I said, "Bye."
[taking an orange out of the cooler) Hey Simpson, race ya!
[taking an apple out] First one to the front of the bus gets Martin's lunch money.
What?
[The two put their fruits on the floor of the bus, beginning to roll to the front]
Go apple!
Go orange!
[Ralph puts a banana on the floor]
Go banana!
It'll be just like The Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We'll live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!
STSherri/Terri
I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.
This is all Lisa's fault! She had the idea of that stupid UN club!
Hey, Martin seconded the motion. It's entirely his fault.
People, people, let's not blame each other. We all know this is Milhouse's fault.
All we could find are these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
I eated the purple berries.
How are they, Ralph? Good?
[collapsing in pain] They taste like burning.
Oh, they have the Internet on computers now.
Welcome to the internet, my friend, how can I help you?
I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token ring ethernet LAN configuration?
[stares blankly for a few seconds] Can I have some money now?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.