Scenes with Nelson Muntz 63
Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?
Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?
[Bart is about to say something when Skinner quickly puts his hand over his mouth]
PS Principal Skinner
Uh, don't worry, sir. I'll teach these children some respect for their town. I'm assigning each of you 20 hours of community service.
[the children walk offstage, groaning and moaning]
N Nelson
What if we refuse?
S Skinner
You won't pass to the next grade!
N Nelson
I fail to see the threat.
C Chalmers
SKINNER! Good idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my vacation at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that, Mr. Smart Guy.
[Bart looks at Skinner, and Skinner waves his hands "no"]
Bart, Lisa, Milhouse, Nelson, and Homer in the car on the way to the Springfield Shopper
Hey, I know how we can have some fun. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "D."
N Nelson
Dingus! [Nelson punches Milhouse on the head]
God bless you, Nelson Muntz.
N Nelson
Eh, I'm no hero. I just like to hit people on the head.
NE Newspaper editor
...And to protect Mother Earth, each copy contains a certain percentage of recycled paper.
And what percent is that?
[Lisa frowns]
NE Newspaper editor
Zero’s a percent.
I smell cake! Cake that says [sniff sniff] "Farewell" and [sniff sniff] "Best Wishes"!
N Nelson
Your old man has an awesome nose.
Oh, that's nothing. He can hear pudding.
N Nelson
Man, that horse don't take no guff from nobody.
N Nelson
I mean shi-- [both punch Nelson]
N Nelson
[After finding Skinner] There you are! [Over walkie-talkie] Falcon to Eagle, have located Bag of Crap.
Nelson, if you get me out of this I have a hall monitor position opening in the Spring.
N Nelson
I spit on your monitors.
I know. That's why the position's available.
[After a salt silo gets knocked down caused by Homer and Ned]
It sounded like a silo tipping over.
Look, the snow's melting! [Martin licks the melted snow]
With a little help from our friend, sodium chloride! [Nelson begins to punch him, and Nibbles, the hamster comes to Skinner, in a Gym Dodge ball sack]
You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.
N Nibbles
Huh? [Chalmers comes in a snow mobile]
Oh, Superintendent Chalmers!
What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour? And is that burning literature I smell?
Uh- W-W-Well, sir, I, uh-
There'd better be a good explanation for this.
Ah, then I'm happy. [He speeds away on a snow mobile]
I was wondering if you bullies would be interested in some bodyguard work?
N Nelson
Heh, that's funny. We were just talking about going into the protection business.
We're offering a lunch-and-recess package that's very affordable.
I had no idea you knew so much about bullying.
N Nelson
Oh, yeah, there's a lot of history there. Did you know it predates agriculture?
N Nelson
Hey Simpson, I hear your sister dumped Christianity.
I'll tell you someone who cares. He's got long hair, works as a carpenter, has a lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood.
His name's Gunner and he's dating my mom. Sometimes, he buys us beer.
I thought Kearney was dating your mom.
Get him! (The bullies -- and Bart -- pummel Kearney)
How come you always run out of tardy slips before you run out of permission slips?
N Nelson
How come you suck!?
This is Kent Brockman here at Springfield Elementary, where a new Western craze is sweeping the campus.
N Nelson
I'm Kevin Costner in one of his Western roles.
So I guess you could say, this barely qualifies as news.
Bart, your word is imply.
N Nelson
Bart said, "I am pee." He's made of pee!
[The students all laugh]
Well, I got my laugh. I'm outta here.
N Nelson
[Slaps Bart in the back of his head] Shut up, pee!
Nelson, you're running for school president?
N Nelson
I'm not saying I have all the answers. But, I do have all the answer keys...to every test.
(A group of students and their teacher crowd around Nelson)
N Nelson
Fractions, dinosaurs, foreign money, the first Thanksgiving...
Nelson, what are you doing?
N Nelson
Real-estate license exam?
[After Bart as Cupcake Kid holds a time watch in the deleted scene, making Nelson spin around inside the teacup ride, the kids are watching. Bart pulls the lever to stop, Nelson flies off on one of the spinning teacups. The ride slows down in a few seconds.]
[holding a watch] A minute, and five seconds. That's a new record. Come on, let's go.
[A loud crashing sound is heard. Bart runs to Nelson, who looks ill.]
Oh, no. Nelson. Are you OK?
N Nelson
No. I think I'm going to be sick.
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