[to Maggie] Let her slice off the tip of your ear and she'll go right to sleep.
No.
That's not a choice you get to make.
S23At Long Last Leave
Ohh, I always thought tarred and feathered was just a figure of speech. Good luck patching pot holes and stuffing pillows now!
I pick up books like you pick up beers!
Then you have a serious reading problem.
Sorry, Dad. I was afraid of the dragon wouldn't cough the moon back up.
You idgit! Dragon always coughs the moon back up.
[hear the bullies] Someone's downstairs!
Don't even bother shooting us. We found a new place we love. It may not have indoor plumbing, but it has something else we treasure more.
Yeah, non jerks!
[The crowd gasps as Quimby and Wiggum realizes they were unfair to the Simpsons.]
In our new community people accept each other for who they are. I thought I wanted to come back to my house, but instead I'm going back to my Home!
S23Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
It's time to start your annual mad dash around town to get her a present that's not completely insulting.
Is it possible for here.
[holding a cigarette] You sell cigarettes to kids.
Oh.
Please don't say one again.
[whispers weakly] Onnneee.
Homie, whatever it is, it's not happening.
[furiously turns red and angrily grunts] This yolk-separating camera-hog was supposed to call you and say happy birthday! From her show!
[calms Homer down] Well, at least you remembered I like her. [kisses Homer which ticks him off]
[shocked] A pity kiss?! [turns red in anger] That tears it! I'm gonna call that Paula Paul and give her a piece of my mind! Huh? The phone's dead. Normal, normal, normal, normal, nor... Uncharacteristic?! Hm? A chew-through. What could have... [sees the rabbit eating wire] Aw... I mean, [furiously turns red and angrily growls]
Aw, he's trying to eat "ewectwicity."
[angrily screams at Bart] You let this monster into our home, where he chewed through our one and only phone cord!
Wait! Maybe Paula Paul left a message.
PPPaula Paul
[on phone] Hi, Marge! Paula Paul here, calling live from What's On Paula's Windowsill?, ready to wish you a happy birthday, but since you're not home yet, we'll go to commercial and call you right back. (beep) Hi, Paula Paul, calling back for Marge Simpson! Kind of a big moment for you, a little surprised you're not picking up! (beep) Marge, this is just plain disrespectful. I bumped a segment to do this and you're making me look like an a*s! (beep) Screw you, Marge Simpson! Don't read my books and don't make my recipes! May my curse follow you beyond the grave!
Check it out! It's on TV!
PPPaula Paul
[on TV] They're booing you, Marge! An audience full of church groups and Marines!
OOfficer
Marge, go to hell, Marge!
[sadly turns off the TV] I think that's enough birthday fun. [walks upstairs]
[turns red in anger] Why you little... I'm gonna get... [grunts; turns his face normal] No, Homer. You can't strangle a boy on his mother's birthday. Juries hate that. So instead, boy, I want you to... [grunts; angrily turns red again] Get in that rabbit cage!
No way, man. I'm a free-range kid.
No backtalk! In the cage! Now! Get in there.
I don't think dad is coming.
[Looking at a painting of Homer as a horse's ass] I can see how this show isn't to his liking.
Every vandalism spree needs an obnoxious laughter.
For once, the Indian has been outsourced.
AApu
What.
AApu
Convenience forever, freshness never!
Finally, a supermarket with a clear premise - island something.
It's like going to Hawaii without all the murderous locals.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.