Homer, you cannot miss Lisa's big day. And you have to come sober!
American sober or Irish sober?
.08 sober!
.15.
.09!
.10 with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
[groans] Deal.
S19I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
[Dwight's partner is knocked out through one of the bank's windows.]
Uh, Chief, looks like we got a 64-G in progress.
[Chews his doughnut once slowly.]
Armed robbery with a gun.
[Stares cluelessly.]
[Sighs.] [Draws stick figures of a bank robbery.] Come on, Chief, you know this.
Oh, a shooty-stealy.
[Eddie and Lou look at each other, then roll their eyes in disbelief.]
S19Treehouse of Horror XVIII
Tonight, we have three terrifying tales of the... [sees the American Idol logo] Excuse me. [sucks it up with a medium vacuum cleaner] Now, our first glory story is... [sees the NFL on FOX logo] Oh, for crying out loud! [pepper sprays the football players and the logo]
[more logos were shown in front of her]
Can't anyone just watch the show they're watching? [kills the police officer in "Cops" with a tool, staples Jack Bauer with a watermelon, and microwaves Dr. House, then shows the feast that serves the family] Dinner is served!
We can't have a space creature living in our house.
[Marge opens oven.]
Crème brûlée! Crème brûlée! Or, in English: Burnt cream! Burnt cream!
Homie, I made you my killer lasagna.
HSHomer's Brain
It's poisoned! Whatever you do, don't eat it!
[The camera pans down revealing Homer is eating it.]
HSHomer's Brain
Okay, you're already eating it. Just don't finish it!
[Homer finishes the lasagna.]
HSHomer's Brain
Okay, you finished it. But don't ask for--
Seconds, please!
HSHomer's Brain
You moron! Just kill her!
[to brain] I'll kill her after dessert!
All those nights I thought you were out getting drunk, you were out killing people?!
I was out getting drunk, then killing people!
[Homer prepares to assassinate Kent Brockman using a sniper rifle.]
Now all I have to do is think of a clever line before I pull the trigger. [Thinks.] Oh, that’s a perfect one. But I don’t need to say it out loud ‘cause I’m by myself.
[transforms into spaghetti on the "Gluttony" stage] More bread, please.
[in the "Sloth" stage] I thought I was killed by that magic spaghetti. [naps, shreds into pieces on a hammock]
S19Little Orphan Millie
Spider Burps!
Milhouse, what are you doing here? I thought you had a three-0-clock wedgie with Nelson.
I had to reschedule.
[Milhouse's parents are lost at sea.]
Here, Millhouse, why don't you cheer up with a glass of Ocean Spray. [catches himself] Oh boy forget that. How about some Cap'n Crunch? [catches himself] Seven Seas Italian Dressing? Oh no no no. Uhh... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Ahh. Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?
Stop naming things!!!
I want to but I can't.
Then go to Moe's.
Good idea. I'll drown my sorrows in Anchor Steam Beer. [Looks at Milhouse] Oh ho ho I'm sorry. [Covers his mouth and leaves]
Bart, stop talking to yourself. That'll show him. Now, how am I going to find out what color Marge's eyes are?
[Homer is searching for his wedding album]
Where is it? I gotta find out what color Marge's eyes are. Ah! Cha-ching!
[He goes to open the album only to find it has a combination lock, and is shut tight]
Ohh! Oh, Marge darling... What's the combination to our wedding album?
Our anniversary.
[Pauses] D'oh!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.