G1Guard #1
[after Homer damaged the bill of rights] You just licked off the part that forbids cruel and unusual punishment.
G2Guard #2
[putting on brass knuckles] Hehe, beautiful.
S10Make Room for Lisa
Relax, Lisa! Meet your new comically mismatched roommate, Bart Simpson! [hums The Odd Couple Theme]
I'm gonna make your life a living hell.
[hums The Odd Couple theme and shoves Lisa in]
[turns on TV] Ooh, here's something you like. When Animals Attack Magicians.
MMagician
Pick a card, any- [noise of animal attacking] Aaaaaagh!!!
[Homer laughs]
[concerned] That's awful.
Awful entertaining.
[while in the sensory deprivation chamber, to the tune of The Witch Doctor] ooh! eee! ooh ah ah! Ting, Tang! Walla walla bing bang! Ooh eee ooh ah ah! Walla ting tang bing bing boo!
Wow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts. It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time. What's that?
[A sandwich appears on a black background]
Yuck! That sandwich is full of meat. [As the meats rotate] There's bacon, Canadian bacon, Mexican bacon [drooling] and a mouth-watering veal chop.
[Two arms come from both sides of the screen, then grabs the sandwich. Lisa takes a bite]
Oh, no, now I'm dad!
[background, from Homer's point of view, fades in. He's at a ballet]
[as Homer] Oh, and I'm at a stupid boring ballet.
S10Maximum Homerdrive
FTFemale Trucker
There goes the finest trucker who ever lived.
He called me "greenhorn." I called him Tony Randall. It was a thing we had.
MTMale Trucker
In 38 years, he never missed a shipment. But I guess this is one delivery old Red won't be making.
Oh, yes he will....and on time, too.
Oh no, Homer, no.
I got to, honey. I owe it to Red as both his friend and his killer.
Oh, let me go with you, Dad.
Don't you have school?
Don't you have work?
Ahh, touché.
Look son, it's one of nature's wonders, the convoy!
Oh yeah, I need something that will keep me awake, alert and restless all night long.
OCOld Clerk
Well Congress is racing back to Washington to outlaw these. [Pulls out a bottle labeled Stimu-crank]
Sold! [Takes pills and eats them all]
OCOld Clerk
You can't take that many pep pills at once!
Don't worry. I'll balance it out with a bottle of sleeping pills.
What's happening to me? There's still food, but i don't wanna eat it. I've become everything I've ever hated! [cries]
Dad, they're going to kill us!
Oh, why do all my trips end like this?
Your father traded all of our tools for M&M's again.
[last lines]
SDSr. Ding Dong
[realizing his car won't start] Does anyone have jumper cables?
S10Simpsons Bible Stories
[as Adam to Marge (as Eve)] You're pretty uptight for a naked chick.
[The Simpsons watch as their neighborhood is engulfed by The Apocalypse]
Oh, no, it's the Apocalypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?
Not anymore.
It's Rapture, and I never knew true love.
I never used those pizza coupons.
Hey, Pharaoh, those half-pint slaves are "exodus Ing" as we speak.
Well, I say good riddance to bad rubbish.
Okay, but who's going to build your pyramids?
Well, we-- After them!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.