The Simpsons quotes

[strict] Oh, that tears it! No more delays!

Did you ever wonder if hippopotamuses think that rhinos are unicorns?

Homer

My head hairs! I'm bald!

There's sexy bald like...uh...Babar, king of the elephants. I read his books as a kid. He married his cousin Celeste. That was my takeaway.

Martin

Let me go. I have a swim lesson with a gorgeous lifeguard.

Dolph

What gender?

Martin

You're not allowed to ask.

Homer

We don't get together to share our emotions. We get together to escape them!

Carl

Why don't we talk about it over at Moe's?

Homer

It's not even noon.

Carl

Yeah, I got a watch, egghead.

Homer

Sorry, Carl, it's WWII all over again. America kicks Iceland's ass.

Homer

And I'm 69 because people always laugh when you say "69." Hehe, no one knows why.

Homer

[realizes the pop-up ad "Ki-Yah! Karate Monsters"] What the? Change the channel? But I'm watching soft core tennis!

Yeah, I always go with three, the number of brothers and sisters I, uh, Hunger Gamed in the womb.

Patty

So, now you're going to get hit on by ever loser in town.

Selma

And this town has losers like Mexico has headless corpses.

Homer

Hey, those Yelp reviews don't write themselves. Did you know a well-placed one-star could destroy a "Mom and Pop" hardware in nothing flat?

Homer

Just call me Borders Books 'cause I'll always be here.

Accidental motherhood is the best thing that can happen to a woman.