South Park · Season 2
It's over! We're free!
Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison? At what cost?
Listen, everybody! We did what we had to in there.
But how will we live with ourselves now?
One day at a time, Mayor. One day at a time.
[Schubert's 'Ave Maria' plays as the camera zooms back]
Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggy bag. Does anybody else want some?
Wait a minute! [points at his mom/dad] If she's my dad, who's my mom?
Who is Eric Cartman's mother? Is it Ms. Crabtree, Sheila Broflovski, the Mayor?
AGH, FORGET IT!
[Officer Barbarady, who is at the time illiterate, finds a note saying "another chicken gets it tomorrow." He is then asked what it says]
Oh, it says... "Sorry I had sex with the chicken! I won't do it again, bye-bye!" Well, there you have it, case closed.
Yes, at first I was happy to be learning how to read. It seemed exciting and magical, but then I read this: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. I read every last word of its garbage, and because of this piece of shoot, I'm never reading again.
Hooray for Barbarady!
For my book report, I read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was very, very good. Have you read it, Mr. Garrison?
No, I can't say I have.
Oh good. In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, a bunch of hippies walk around and paint stuff. They eat lunch, and then they find a magical camel, which they have to eat to stay alive. And that's pretty much it. I give it a B-minus.
And I give you an F, Eric. Now sit down!
God damn it!!
The Chickenfucker struck again last night.
Oh, no!
Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the "Chicken Lover."
This time, he made love to Carla Weathers' prize chicken. She's catatonic.
Who? Carla Weathers or the chicken?
Uh...yes, officer?
I clocked you at 40 mph back there. Do you know what the speed limit is hey-ah?
Well, according to that sign right there, it's 40 mph.
Step out of the car, please, sir.
Wait a second. Aren't you Stan's little friend?
Sir, step out of the car, please.
Yeah. You're the one who always plugs up the toilet at our house.
Ey! I am a cop, and you will respect my authority!
Yeah, right. You better get back to school, little boy. [Cartman hits Randy's shin] Ow!
Get your ass to jail!
Ow! Hey, what the heck're you doing?! You can't do that! Ow! Ow!
Sweet.
Boo!
Who was that? That is not appropriate behavior, m'kay?
[imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] I'm sorry Mr. Mackey, m'kay.
That's okay. Just don't let it happen again, m'kay.
[imitating Mr. Mackey's voice] We won't let it happen again Mr. Mackey, m'kay.
[the boys laugh]
Hey, Mackey, now we see what you and Homer Simpson have in common: "D'oh-pe" [laughs]
I'm tired of your right-wing authoritative bullshit!
His father had it, his grandfather had it and....his brother had it.
[horrified] No. No, it's not possible.
We're not going to cut it off. We're just going to snip it so that it looks bigger.
Oh, hey, dude, that didn't sound like a bad idea.
Yeah, I wanna get a circumcision too!
You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about.
Yeah!
And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. Except for Cartman.
Naturally.
Screw you guys! I don't want to be in your crazy penis-chopping family anyway!
[after seeing Ike] Oh, look, honey, someone threw away a perfectly good trash can.
The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet he spits in your eye.
[Stan's mother, Sharon, is speaking to Kyle's mother, Sheila, on the phone. In the background, Stan runs around screaming, wielding an ice pick]
Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick?
[screaming] No! I have to get it out!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
