Mayor quotes from South Park

Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcement officer in this town. What would he do?

You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on.

Actually-

Well, I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese mafia.

Not a thingy-dingy.

The Chickenfucker struck again last night.

Kyle

Oh, no!

Oh Mayor, please, when we're around children we prefer to call him the "Chicken Lover."

This time, he made love to Carla Weathers' prize chicken. She's catatonic.

Who? Carla Weathers or the chicken?

Marsh, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you! Find the cause of spontaneous combustion or else!

Or else what?

Exactly!

You're supposed to lose, you idiot!

Where am I?

Whoo, Niners! Go, Niners!

Uh we're rooting for the Broncos here, Jakov.

[pause] Whooooo, Niners!

Okay, our next contestant is Eric Cartman. [a happy Cartman comes to the stand] Alright, Eric, here's your word: "chair". [Cartman looks at Fonics Monkey, only to wave in response]

Cartman

[whispers] Come on, Fonics Monkey, drum! [Fonics Monkey looks to the left, but no response] Come on! [Fonics Monkey starts to masturbate]

Eric, your word is "chair".

Cartman

Uh...definition?

Something you sit on.

Cartman

Country of origin?

English.

Cartman

Could you please use it in a sentence?

Oh, for Christ's sake, kid, the word is "chair"!

Cartman

Um..."chair". C-h-a-r-e. [buzz] Goddamn it, how come I get the hard one?! Get over here, you son of a bitch Fonics Monkey!

The fact of the matter is that "fag" is still defined in the dictionary as a pejorative term against homosexuals. And so you are still causing harm to gay people everywhere, whether you mean it differently or not. The town of South Park and its mayor have once again shown themselves to be completely out of touch with the progressive world.

She's gaining support all over the country. I should've never listened to you!

Kyle

We're sorry, Mayor.

Oh, that's nice. You made our entire town look like gay bashing, redneck homophobes, but at least you're sorry!

Stan

We can fix this!

How?

Stan

That lady said it's because "fag" still means "homosexual" in the dictionary. So we just have to convince the dictionary people to change the definition.