My mom says there are lots of black people in China.
S2 E5Conjoined Fetus Lady
I love you guys. [Stan and Kyle stare at him] Ah, screw you guys..!
NGNurse Gollum
Well, this may sound odd coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head, but you're all a bunch of freaks.
Could you please pass the dead fetus--I mean gravy?
CAChinese Announcer
It's number...aw, who cares. Arr Americans rook arike.
S2 E6The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka
Ready, you guys?
CKCartman/Kyle
Ready!
Okay. Action! [Cartman poses the frog attached to a string on a stick]
[mutters] I am the deadly Mexican Staring Frog...of Southern Sri Lanka. I am very scary... and dangerous!
Cut! Cartman!
What?
It's supposed to be a frog!
I know that!
Since when do frogs talk, Cartman?
[thinks] It's a Sri Lanka frog!
Der, Cartman!
Der yourself, hippie!
Just do this again Cartman, and don't make it talk.
Okay, here we go. Ready? Are you ready, Cartman?
I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!
Action!
Screw you guys...
S2 E7City on the Edge of Forever
BE QUIET BACK THERE! THESE ROADS ARE SLICK!
Hey, Cartman!
What?
Are you gonna share any of that cake with the rest of us?
[finishes a bite] Hmm, let me think... No.
Come on, fatass! You shouldn't be eating all that cake anyway!
Mm. It's chocolatey and delightful.
Give us some, Cartman!
CMs. Crabtree
[turns around] BE QUIET BACK THERE!
Whoa, dude. The road is really snowy out there.
Dude, the road is always snowy.
I know, but, it's really snowy today.
[now baiting] Mm. I can't possibly finish this whole cake. Uh, yes I can. [resumes eating]
Shut up, Cartman!
Mrs. Crabtree [slams the brakes on, opens a box, and pulls out a bunny] Okay, that does it. Y'all be quiet or the cute little bunny dies!! [points a gun at its head. The class gasps and look at her for a while. Sure that she has made her point, she puts the bunny back in the box and resumes driving]
Dude, she always tries to quiet us down by threatening to kill that bunny, but I wonder if she ever would.
Oh, she would, dude. She would.
[the bus comes to a halt at a road block]
GOD! [a sign says "Road closed due to avalanche"] OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! [another sign says, "Detour at your own risk." She starts up the bus and takes the detour]
Come on, fat boy, give us some cake now.
[exhausted] I cannot possibly eat one more bite of its chocolatey goodness. Oh, wait, wait, wait, try.
Damn it, Cartman, you are such a fat fuck!
[spins around] WHAT DID YOU SAY?! [turns back around just to see the bus head for a road shoulder where the road starts to turn] Whoa-oh. [she slams the brakes on, but the bus goes over the shoulder and tumbles down the side of the hill] Oh, my God!!! Aagggh! [the kids tumble all over the place and scream, but Cartman just munches away on the cake, quite undisturbed. The bus bounces on the bottom of the hill and lands on a river upright, floating on down]
KKids
Aaggh!
I'm scared!
Be quiet, kid!
[the kids look back at where they were as the bus continues down the river, and over a waterfall, straight down]
AAll
Aggghhhh!
[finished his cake] All gone.
SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! [students groan in pain] I SAID QUIET, OR ELSE I'LL KILL THE BUNNY!! [students notice and are immediately quiet]
Don't get off the bus or a big scary monster will eat you! [she gets off the bus]
Hey, why isn't the monster eating her?!
Because, Larry King won't grant me three wishes.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
I said "Larry King won't grant me three wishes!"
Oh.
S2 E8Summer Sucks
Hello children, how is your summer going?
Summer sucks bad, Mr. Garrison.
Hey, have you found Mr. Hat yet?
Oh, oh, that old thing? Why, I almost forgot he was gone. I don't need Mr. Hat.
That's good.
Mr. Hat is just a puppet.
Yep.
Mr. Hat isn't real.
Right.
[Flashback scene to when the boys were toddlers, and are playing with fireworks. Stan and Kyle set off a little rocket, to their amusement. Kenny is holding a firecracker, and blows his head off.]
TSToddler Stan
Oh gosh, killed Kenny!
TKToddler Kyle
Oo bastoods!
[Rats converge on baby Kenny's headless corpse.]
[The snake breaks down Jimbo and Ned's cell wall]
Holy crap, what the heck is that?
NNed
It looks like my ex-wife!
[The boys have called Chef for advice on how to deal with the Ash Snake]
CChef
Giant snake? Killing everybody? Growing bigger? [looks at the women surrounding him] Now, children, you know I rarely say this, but well... fudge ya.[hangs up, goes back to singing] 🎵 Simultaneous, you and me! 🎵
What did he say?
Dude, I think he told us to go fuck ourselves.
Wow!
How's that going to help?
[The boys stop in front of a sign with "Stu's Fireworks" written on it]
Oh yeah, dude, it's summer. That means we've gotta buy fireworks!
I saved up enough money to buy M-80s this year.
I saw in this movie once, where this guy stuck a firecracker up a cat's butt.
Cool, maybe we can do that to Cartman's cat!
Hey! If you so much as touch Kitty's ass, I'll put firecrackers in your nut sack and blow your balls all over your pants!
Jesus, Cartman!
[his voice trailing off] Well, I'm just-- seriously now, don't mess with Kitty, now.
[Chef was vacationing on an island while the gargantuan firework snake ravaged the country. After blowing the snake up, the townspeople are seen trying to clean up the mess, but as a result of all the ash in the air, it looks like they're all in blackface]
CChef
Okay, everybody get into line, so I can whoop all yo' asses!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.