Jimbo quotes from South Park

We're all a little gay.

Cartman

My weenies won't cook.

Mmmm-this wood won't burn-mm.

Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use the old Indian fire trick.

Mmmm-yepper. [pours gasoline onto the burning wood, then catches fire] AAAAAHH!

Huhahaha! Hey, stop, drop, and roll, Ned! Ah ha haha!

Whoa!

God dammit, Ned! I just got that van. How the hell are we s'posed to get home?

Mmm-oh, it hurts! It hurts! Owwww!

Come on, Ned, and keep quiet.

Okay. [They climb over the fence and encounter...]

Hello, Enrique.

What are we doing here?

Well, Ned, we always kidnapped Middle Park's mascot. But this year we're going to booby-trap it instead. [puts bomb on Enrique's back] And when John Stamos's older brother hits that high F in "Loving You", boom! [Enrique gets wide-eyed] No more Middle Park players.

Goddamn, I love football.

Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?

Nope. He's gay.

You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

Is it Jimbo?

Daaagh!

Or is it Officer Barbrady?

Huh?! Where?!

Or could it be Ned?

Could be.

Or Mr. Broflovski?

Kyle

Dad, how could you?!

Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.

Cartman

What?! Son of a bitch!

Can't go on... So hungry...

We're all going to die in this horrible place.

We have to have the energy to make it through the night. We have to eat.

How can we? How could we live with ourselves?

There's only one answer: Eat Eric Roberts.

Yes, of course! Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.

Eat Eric Roberts!

No! No, please!

Well, there's no going back now. We're cannibals! God save us...

God wants you to live, Mayor. Fight!

We'll give it until another hour, then... we might have to eat again.

What?! Christ, are you people diabetic or something?

It's over! We're free!

Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison? At what cost?

Listen, everybody! We did what we had to in there.

But how will we live with ourselves now?

One day at a time, Mayor. One day at a time.

Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggy bag. Does anybody else want some?

Holy crap, what the heck is that?

It looks like my ex-wife!

Hey Ned, look what I bought you! A new voice box [teases Ned a while] Want it? You want it? Yeah, you want it. Here. Try it out, Ned.

[in an Irish accent] Ah, Jimbo, I can't thank you enough for the new voice box. [realizes he's got an Irish accent] What the devil is this, then?

Aw, no! I must've picked up the Irish model by mistake.

[still in an Irish accent] Oh, what a bloody pickle this is. Did ya keep the receipt then?

[whispering] All right, Ned, we got to be careful. These are really evil men we're dealing with here...

[loudly because of his voice box] Okay...

[whispering angrily] Dammit, Ned, doesn't that thing have a volume control?

[loudly] No.

Well, they can't say fag, you have to be a homosexual to say that.

You mean I can't say f[beep]?

No, see, you got beeped.

You mean you have to be a f[beep] to say f[beep]?

Yep.

Well that's not fair! I should be able to say "fag." [he looks shocked as he realizes he didn't get censored]

Hey...you didn't get beeped.

Uh-oh.

Well, I guess we learned something new about you, Jimbo, you freaking fag. You want to go make out or something?

Mr. Tweek, why don't we go back to my place?

Why?

Well, you know. I was just thinking we could put on some music and watch videos and pound Mr. Slave's tight little ass.

Ooh. Jesus Christ!

Whoa! Goodness no. I'm straight.

Straight? Jesus, what the heck is going on here?! Why won't anybody pound Mr. Slave's butt?

Well, we don't 'pound butt', Mr. Garrison, we're straight.

Those pants and those shoes say you pound butt!

Hey, now that's not true. My shoes don't say I pound butt.

No, your shoes say you take it in the butt!

Oh, that is nice. That is NICE.

[running up] Randy! Jesus, Randy! Your balls!

I know. Smoking pot right in front of a cop. Pretty sweet, huh?

No! I mean your actual BALLS!

Okay, people, I kno- I know. But, he will get the other celebrities to withdraw their lawsuit if we just... get Muhammad to appear in South Park.

Are you nuts?! If Muhammad appears in South Park, we get bombed!

We don't know that! Maybe enough time has passed.

Kyle

[to Token] Dude, I can't believe we are dealing with this Muhammad thing again.

But even if it were safe now for Muhammad to come, huh, how would we ever find him?

Yeah, showing an image of him is completely off-limits and censored. So nobody has ever seen what Muhammad looks like.

Stan

I saw him once.

You did?

Stan

Yeah. A while ago my friends joined David Blaine's cult. I had to go to the Super Best Friends to rescue them. Muhammad was one of the Super Best Friends.

Oh, and what? And he was just out in the open where everyone could see him and nobody got bombed?!

Stan

No, dude, it was totally flying.

Muhammad showed up and there was no violence at all.

Stan

Well this giant John Wilkes Booth shot Abraham Lincoln.

Alright, Stan, that's enough. Jesus, can't learn to shut up, can you? [to the audience] Now look, I believe we CAN find Muhammad. I've done a lot of research and I've completed a sketch of what Muhammad could look like today.

[stands up] No, don't!

Is that okay to show? [sits down]

I don't know. I guess we'll see.