[Marsh house; Randy has his gun drawn]
I'm warning you. You're on the wrong side of this. We're just trying to get answers.
[drawing her gun on him] You pulled a gun on our son, Randy!
He pulled one on me first, Sharon!
Because you wouldn't talk to me, Dad!
Stanley, let your mother and I deal with this!
I told you to leave him alone!
God, I hate this family! [pulls out her gun at Sharon] Why are you always taking Stan's side?!
Whoa! Whoa, Shelley! Put down the gun, Shelley!
You're always acting like Stan can't do anything wrong!
She doesn't always take my side!
You shut up or I'll swear to God I'll use this.
Shelley, put it down, now.
You don't even try to know me, Dad!
I want to, Shelley! I just sometimes like you hate me!
I feel like you hate me, Randy!
I don't hate you, I LOVE you! I need to be a better husband, a better father!
We all need to be better to each other!
Okay, maybe I need to stop being so angry!
We love you too, Dad. We just wanna know what's going on with you.
All right. I'll tell you everything. [holds his gun] Wow, these things are amazing.
"Tragedy at gunshow?" What happened at the gun show?
Not what happened, what's going to happen. The final sweeping underneath the rug. By this time tomorrow nobody will be asking questions ever again. The ads will have won. And I will be... The man.
CClassi
I think the ads are playin' yo' ass.
[slaps her across the face] Shut up Classiii!
CClassi
Oh heeelllllll no!
CClassi
Oh hell no! Yo' Down's Syndrome ass just slapped me! I'mo break your dick off! [picks him up and slams him into the glass wall that doubles as a window]
Hang on, Classi, I'm sorry.
CClassi
[punches him] I will bust yo' fuckin' ass! [punches him again] I will bust yo' f**kin' nose! I ain't no Mimsy, asshole! [punches him repeatedly] I'm a clasy bitch! And I do not, want ads, controllin' my news! [she lets a thoroughly beaten Nathan slide to the floor]
CClassi
You need my help? You got it!
I need your phone to call Officer Barbrady. And we have to get to that gun show, fast!
CClassi
Quick! To the Classi mobile!
Alright everyone, listen up. I don't know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of all the hate speech and microaggressions against our species. We have a new enemy out there. An almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased they actually think we should all die. They are trying to attract our youth using tactics that are underhanded and unfair. But no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our PC. And so I have been asked to stay on as your principal. A lot of changes will happen in the coming months. The bottom line is that the only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who don't is that we have the burning desire for social justice. We are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, non-biased, and politically correct as possible.
[to his friends] This is going to be really hard.
[Outside, boys into the woods, he up the stairs, and Kyle opens the door]
Oh, dude, is this it? This is cool. So isolated. [He looks a shovel to a hole dug in ground] Check it out. There's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground. [Inside the cabin, Cartman use the computer to show the password] Dude, is this where we're gonna play? I call dibs on this side. What's the WiFi called? Is there a password? [Kyle closes the cabin door, and show the tools to bring the Cartman’s electronics] I don't see it. I don't see it coming up on my laptop. I don't know. I think maybe the WiFi's not working. [He puts stuff on top] Where's the box? You gotta unplug it and plug it back in. [Turning around] You guys? You guys? There's… no WiFi.
The girls are gonna do something drastic to us. We have to take matters into our own hands.
[Cartman looks afraid]
[afraid] What are you… What are you guys talking about?
You brought this on yourself, Cartman. We're sorry.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys are gonna break all my stuff so I can't get online.
Just put your stuff on the table and step back.
[panic] Please! Please don't break my stuff, you guys! This is like, two Christmas and a birthday worth of stuff! You guys can't do this! Please!
Let's just get it over with.
No, don't take over with! Don't break my stuff! I'm not SkankHunt! I'm not! You guys, you guys, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this. We can still just play CounterStrike and forget everything. Oh, my God, there's no WiFi. We can use my phone, to make a hotspot and we can still play CounterStrike! It'll be sweet! You guys, come on, please! Please you can't!
Please, Clyde! Clyde, you’re my friend! Please, you, you know how much I need my stuff!
Let's just get it over with! [Walks up to Cartman, then he goes to break stuff]
No, please, if I can't get online, I won't have it… I… [Craig stabs Cartman’s laptop with his knife, screams] No, God! No! Don't!! Don't!! Don't!! Oh, my God!! [He knocked on the table and destroyed by the boys] Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! AAHH!!! NIAH!!! NIAAAH!!! AAHH!!! AAHH!!! NAAAHHHH!!! [Cartman passed out]
[Outside the woods, Token pats the roots with shovel. The boys looks horrified]
[Cartman screams this instance]
So somebody, like Heidi, could use it to see your entire Internet history. Everything you ever said and did on the Internet, even before you were together.
[a look of fear crosses his face] Well, Heidi doesn't actually use the Internet. We've sworn off that stuff, so it's kewl.
Right, but somebody, like me, could look up your entire Internet history, print it out, and give it to Heidi. I would imagine there's some things you've done or said on the Internet you wouldn't want Heidi to know about.
DDick
If someone Photoshopped a dick in your wife's mouth, would you just think it was funny?
You mean my [shows his phone to Dick with image of Sheila Photoshopped] fracking screensaver.
DDick
It's true. You're just an asshole. I thought you were the ultimate rebel. I actually looked up to you and you're nothing but a super... dick.
And what are [points at Dick] you, Dildo Shwaggins? Huh? You think you're a fracking political activist hauled up in your shifty little midget condo. You're nothing but a passed off little giant, lashing out at everyone because you can't get laid!
A historic election, and all the votes are in. Except of course in the city of Fort Collins, Colorado. It's been several days now since Fort Collins was hacked. Everyone's e-mails and Internet history became accessible to the public after being targeted by the Danish Trolltrace program. According to our eye in the sky, their votes will not be tallied anytime soon.
EIEye in the sky
It's complete bedlam inside the city limits, Chris. [traffic accidents at every intersection, a broken fire hydrant spewing a geyser of water, three giraffes running through the streets...] Since the city was hacked there have been murder, suicide, and complete lack of civility. We also understand that nearly everyone within Fort Collins who was married is now divorced. Back to you, Tom.
This barricade behind me was put up not only to make sure nobody goes into Fort Collins, but also to make sure nobody gets out, since there's no telling whose Internet histories they've seen
DMDangling Man
[at the top of the barricade] Please! [Tom glances at him and the camera zooms in] My wife is so pissed at me! [a bullet strikes him from the air and he falls to his death several stories down.] Guh!
[Kyle returns home from school and finds Ike sitting in the dining room corner]
Don't talk to him! He is in big trouble!
It's him, Kyle! Your brother is the Internet troll who's caused all this pain in our community!
It was him all along! Now we have to figure out what to tell people when they learn that this ugliness came from our family!
[Broflovski Residence; Kyle's room]
[enraged] WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! HOW DARE YOU OUTRIGHT DEFY ME LIKE THAT?! Your brother was being punished for using the computer, and you just decide to leave with him?!
I just felt bad for him, Ma.
You felt BAD for him?! After all the horrible things he said to people online?! Your brother is a sick troll, Kyle! You just wait till your father gets home! [leaves Kyle's room, slamming the door closed]
"Officials have stated that all communication with Denmark has ended and that a military strike on the country is now imminent."
"The President stated that since the--"
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! [Kyle and Ike scream and fall away from the computer] GET OFF THAT COMPUTER!!!
Mom, we were just using it to look at the news.
I DON'T CARE! I said, no computers! You kids are addicted to the Internet! You're sick, and you're addicted! It's changed your brother, and now it's turning you against me, Kyle!
I'm not against you, Mom.
You are! Your father goes away on business and all you do is defy me at every turn! The next time you defy me, it will be your last! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
And when your father gets home from Denmark, you two are both going in for counseling.
What is Dad doing in Denmark?!
The government sent him over there to do paralegal training. So it would have been nice if you could have shown a little support!
Ike. It's time. I don't know if i'm strong enough to go through with this, but it's the only way now.
Just remember... I always loved you, little brother.
I love you, too, big brother.
Let's just get it over with.
Suck my balls. You're a fat bitch. [runs off]
WHAAAAAAAAAT?! [gets out of her bed and chases after him downstairs to the kitchen] You get back here, you little monster! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! Don't you run away from me, Ike! Who do you think you are?! [to Kyle] Where is he?! Where is your brother?!
Don't you try and hide from me now! [goes in the pantry] You are in big trouble, Ike! [Kyle shuts the door behind her and props a chair up under the door knob] Whaaat?! What, whaat?! Kyle! You open his door right now!! Open this door!!!
[In the Broflovski kitchen, Sheila is still locked in the pantry from the previous episode]
[furiously banging and pounding from behind] YOU BOYS BETTER NOT BE ON THAT COMPUTER! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS! YOU LOCK YOUR MOTHER IN THE PANTRY?! I'LL LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOMS FOREVER!!!
