Token(singing) Why can't I be like all the other kids?
They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns
And cut-up hot dogs for lunch
It's not my fault my parents succeed so much
There's no one in town I can relate to
I play with autographed baseball bats
While everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones
Has a boy ever felt so alone?
Well, who needs them, anyway? I won't pretend to be something I'm not
If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got
If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around
So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so… down
Please, God, send more rich kids…
To my… town.
I don't fit in anywhere.
BMr. Black
All right, Token, we know you must be very confused about what you saw.
Yes, uh, you see, Token, that was called a pornographic film. It shows adult men and adult women having sexual intercourse. [long beat] Well, you-you see, when a man and a woman fall in love, the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. It's called lovemaking and it's part of being in love.
Token
[beat] And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time, then stands over the men and pees on them, is that part of being in love, too? ...Five midgets, spanking a man covered in Thousand Island dressing. Is that making love?
BMr. Black
Jesus, what kind of porno was that?
BMr. Black
Oh Jesus, not that one!!
[breaking the fourth wall during a performance of "I'm A Little Bit Country"]
Well, goodnight everybody. It sure has been great bringing you a hundred episodes.
We want to thank our guests, the pro-war people and the anti-war people.
Token
What the hell are they doing now?
[face palm] Ah, I don't know.
EEverybody
For the war, against the war- who cares? One hundred episodes! [Randy and Skeeter dance on stage as they finish the song]
I hate this town. I really, really do.
Goddammit! [throws his plaque onto the ground, shattering it; the myrrh album falls away]
[Faith + 1's fans are stunned and they gasp]
MCMichael Collins
Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
Who cares?! I can never win my bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums!
MCMichael Collins
But you spread the Word of the Lord. You've brought faith in Jesus.
Oh, Fuck Jesus! [Faith + 1's fans gasp; a woman screams in disbelief]
Eric, I'm pretty sure you shouldn't say the "F" word about Jesus.
Token
Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Who fucking cares, Token?! I can never beat Kyle now! I'll say it again: FUCK JESUS! [people start to scream and run away]
MMan
My ears are bleeding!
Token
Good job, dickhead, you've lost the entire audience!
Oh, fuck you, Token, you black asshole!
[Token angrily beats up Cartman and walks away while Stan, Kyle, and Kenny see Cartman coughing in pain]
Hmm, guess he got what he deserved. [he, Kyle, & Kenny walk away]
[pauses for a moment, then farts in Cartman's face and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric. [walks away, leaving Cartman all alone on his knees, face down while he tries to recover from his pain and humiliation. End of episode]
Hey, fellas, where's Cartman?
Cartman isn't our friend anymore.
Token
Ignoring him, how come?
Because he's a fat, racist, self-centered, intolerant, manipulating sociopath.
Token
Oh yeah.
Hey I hate Cartman too; can I ignore him with you?
BOBradley and other boys off screen
Yeah / me too / yeah /screw him!
I never realized ignoring him was an option.
[Nelly walks down the hall and hears Craig blowing a horn and gets kicked in the shin by Butters]
NNelly
Ow! What you did that for?! [Butters kicks her again] Hey, what's your problem, asshole?!
Bail! Bail! [back at his house in the basement] Okay, our mission failed, but we've learned a lot, primarily that girls do not have balls.
[in a sling and with a black eye, after being pulverized by Nelly] They sure don't.
Never mind, because we are going to Plan B, one that I call, "Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time." When Nelly leaves the cafeteria for recess, Kenny will jump in front of her and spit on the ground.
You think maybe girls keep their balls on the inside of their tummies?
Butters, we're done talking about girls balls right now. Pay attention. [The next day… he, along with Craig, Butters, and Kenny, holding the list, run by] We got it! We got it!
We got the list from the girls!
[Stan and the other boys follow them]
NNelly
[angrily catching up to them] Give that back, you dirty buttholes!
[The boys enter the restroom where Kyle is washing his hands]
Tape it to the wall, Kenny! Jason, watch the door!
[Kenny tapes the list to the wall and all the boys look over it]
It's listed in order from cutest to ugliest. Clyde's number one.
And then Token. And then me.
Token
I'm number two? Wow!
Come on, let me see, let me see! [looks through the list and finds himself as number 11] Oh, boy! I'm number 11! Whoopie! Number 11!
[finds himself as number 12 where Cartman is number 15, under Timmy and Francis] Ah! Look at that! I'm hotter than you, fatso!
[Kenny joyfully finds himself as number 7]
Oh, so big deal, guys. You feel better now? Clyde's the best-looking kid in the class. And then Token and Stan. And last is Francis, Cartman, and… [finds himself on the bottom of the list as number 16, revealing he's been voted the ugliest; shocked] Me?
You're last, dude! [laughs]
Cartman, lay off. You're next-to-last.
So? I'm hotter than Kyle! [walks off, gloating] I'm better looking than Kyle! Yes! I'm hotter than Kyle! I'm hotter than Kyle!
[Deleted Scene]
Did anyone notice that the brownies taste like shit today?
Yeah. You guys just want to go out to recess?
The playground's burned down, dude.
Playground's burned down, everyone hates us, brownies taste like shit. Everything just sucks right now!
[pounds his fists on the table] That's it. I'm not gonna just sit here and be miserable. It's time for me to start acting like a man. [leaves the table and walks towards Clyde] Hey, Clyde, how come you told Wendy I said I was gonna be "dripping in bitches?!"
Because that's what you said.
That's not what I meant and you know it! I thought you were supposed to be my friend!
Was that before or after you told me to fuck myself?
TELL HER YOU LIED, ASSHOLE!
[runs up, breaking them up] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey! Cool it down, dude. This isn't gonna get us anywhere.
Kind of like your start-up company.
[After a short pause, Kyle punches him in the face, having to have heard that]
Token
Kyle just hit Clyde!
[Token, Jimmy, Craig, Clyde, Stan, and Kyle start fighting as all the students cheer; Cartman runs up punches Token, also joining in; Later, all the boys (except Jimmy) are in Mr. Mackey's office]
Now, I don't know who threw the first punch or who started this whole thing, but I assure you, that whatever it takes, will get to the bottom of this, m'kay?! Now, Clyde, what did you have for lunch?
Did you eat the school lunch, or did you pack a lunch?
All right, everyone, listen up. In order for better understanding, we've asked students of Canadian origin to introduce you to their culture and—HEY, LESLIE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!! Now where was I? Oh. yeah. We've asked students of Canadian origin To introduce you to their culture and customs. So let's give them our undivided attention as they take us on a whirlwind journey through their diverse history. [hands microphone to Canadian kids]
CKCanadian Kids 1
We are the Hopewell and Abenaki, first settlers of Canadian soil, guy. [hands mic over to second group]
CKCanadian Kids 2
We are French and British explorers, seeking furs and goods. [Mr. Garrison walks up and takes the mic]
Yeah, and I'm Dan Rather, and I got news for you! Nobody wants you here! [long beat] Sorry not sorry! It's time for someone to say it like it is, and make our country great again!
Garrison, what do you think you're—?!
And I'm also not afraid to stand up to PC Principal! You, sir, have a pizza face and you suck your mom's dick!
[beat] That's it, Garrison! You are fired from South Park Elementary!
Oh, see? And now I'm fired! That's the cold, hard truth of immigration! Well, there's only one immigration policy that I believe in, and that's f**k them all to death!! [all students gasp] I'm just saying what everyone's thinking here, kids! Sorry not sorry!
[Later in the school hallway, the Canadian kids walk off angrily]
Dude, the Canadians are pissed off.
Token
Can you really blame them?
[Outside, boys into the woods, he up the stairs, and Kyle opens the door]
Oh, dude, is this it? This is cool. So isolated. [He looks a shovel to a hole dug in ground] Check it out. There's a shovel next to a hole dug in the ground. [Inside the cabin, Cartman use the computer to show the password] Dude, is this where we're gonna play? I call dibs on this side. What's the WiFi called? Is there a password? [Kyle closes the cabin door, and show the tools to bring the Cartman’s electronics] I don't see it. I don't see it coming up on my laptop. I don't know. I think maybe the WiFi's not working. [He puts stuff on top] Where's the box? You gotta unplug it and plug it back in. [Turning around] You guys? You guys? There's… no WiFi.
The girls are gonna do something drastic to us. We have to take matters into our own hands.
[Cartman looks afraid]
[afraid] What are you… What are you guys talking about?
You brought this on yourself, Cartman. We're sorry.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, you guys are gonna break all my stuff so I can't get online.
Just put your stuff on the table and step back.
[panic] Please! Please don't break my stuff, you guys! This is like, two Christmas and a birthday worth of stuff! You guys can't do this! Please!
Token
Let's just get it over with.
No, don't take over with! Don't break my stuff! I'm not SkankHunt! I'm not! You guys, you guys, you don't have to do this. You don't have to do this. We can still just play CounterStrike and forget everything. Oh, my God, there's no WiFi. We can use my phone, to make a hotspot and we can still play CounterStrike! It'll be sweet! You guys, come on, please! Please you can't!
Please, Clyde! Clyde, you’re my friend! Please, you, you know how much I need my stuff!
Let's just get it over with! [Walks up to Cartman, then he goes to break stuff]
No, please, if I can't get online, I won't have it… I… [Craig stabs Cartman’s laptop with his knife, screams] No, God! No! Don't!! Don't!! Don't!! Oh, my God!! [He knocked on the table and destroyed by the boys] Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!! AAHH!!! NIAH!!! NIAAAH!!! AAHH!!! AAHH!!! NAAAHHHH!!! [Cartman passed out]
[Outside the woods, Token pats the roots with shovel. The boys looks horrified]
[Cartman screams this instance]
[comforting Tweek] There there, Tweek. Everything is going to be okay.
I saw what I saw, Craig! You have to believe me!
Tweek's having a panic attack.
It was real! He tried to get me!
It's just your imagination, Tweek.
It's not his imagination. I saw him too.
Out by the quarry. But I didn't believe it. I said, "How could this be?"
"The President?" I saw him too. He had a blue suit and an orange face. He kept asking me "How are my ap-"
Token
"How are my approval ratings?" I saw him too.
Dude, isn't this all really familiar? I saw something just like this on that show called Stranger-
Stranger Things. Stranger Things is the show. I saw it too.
But wait, isn't Stranger Things just like that movie-?
Yeah, I saw IT in the theater.
Token
I saw Stranger Things and IT.
Jesus, I don't think anyone's imagining anything. I think the President IS here. You kids get inside somewhere. I have to warn the town! [gets on his bike and rides off, only to fall on his face] Aw!
[South Park Elementary; Ms. Nelson is handing her students back their graded math exams]
I want you all to take a close look at your math exams, children. Some of you did very well, but many of you did not.
[disappointed as he received an F] Aw, man!
The addition of fractions is very simple. Let's run through it again. How do we solve this first one?
[Sounds of gunshots and children screaming are heard from outside in the hallway]
[raises his hand] Add together the 3 and the 3!
Good, Butters. We add the 3's together. And what about the 4's? Token?
Token
They're the denominators, so they stay a 4.
South Park · 1,569 quotes
