[Cartman's house, night]
Eric Cartman, I told you to get ready for bed!
Yeah, I just wanna finish this movie.
No, Eric! This is a school night!
Mom, I'm into this movie. I'm not going to bed right now. Chillax.
You most certainly are! Right now, mister!
[hops off the sofa and aims his gun at her] I will go to bed when this movie is over, Mom!
Eric, where did you get that?
Turn off the light and go back to bed. I'm staying up.
Eric, you march right up to your room, and you-
Eric, you get your butt to bed!
[draws her gun on him] I told you to go upstairs right now!
Whoa, Mom, what the hell?
I'm not going to tell you again, Eric! It is time for night-night!
[advances on him] I am your mother, and you will do what I tell you!
Okay, I am going. [walks around her, keeping his gun trained on her]
Well then, you go right now, Mister! [keeps her gun trained on him]
I'm going to bed now, Mom. Chillax. [begins to go up the stairs backward]
Alright then. No comic books, just straight to sleep! I love you, sweetie.
Okay, I love you too, Mom. Night-night. [the sound of a door closing is heard]
[caresses her pistol] Wow, he... he listened. [puts it into her robe pocket and walks towards the kitchen]
[Marsh house; Randy has his gun drawn]
I'm warning you. You're on the wrong side of this. We're just trying to get answers.
[drawing her gun on him] You pulled a gun on our son, Randy!
He pulled one on me first, Sharon!
Because you wouldn't talk to me, Dad!
Stanley, let your mother and I deal with this!
I told you to leave him alone!
God, I hate this family! [pulls out her gun at Sharon] Why are you always taking Stan's side?!
Whoa! Whoa, Shelley! Put down the gun, Shelley!
You're always acting like Stan can't do anything wrong!
She doesn't always take my side!
You shut up or I'll swear to God I'll use this.
Shelley, put it down, now.
You don't even try to know me, Dad!
I want to, Shelley! I just sometimes like you hate me!
I feel like you hate me, Randy!
I don't hate you, I LOVE you! I need to be a better husband, a better father!
We all need to be better to each other!
Okay, maybe I need to stop being so angry!
We love you too, Dad. We just wanna know what's going on with you.
All right. I'll tell you everything. [holds his gun] Wow, these things are amazing.
"Tragedy at gunshow?" What happened at the gun show?
Not what happened, what's going to happen. The final sweeping underneath the rug. By this time tomorrow nobody will be asking questions ever again. The ads will have won. And I will be... The man.
CClassi
I think the ads are playin' yo' ass.
[slaps her across the face] Shut up Classiii!
CClassi
Oh heeelllllll no!
CClassi
Oh hell no! Yo' Down's Syndrome ass just slapped me! I'mo break your dick off! [picks him up and slams him into the glass wall that doubles as a window]
Hang on, Classi, I'm sorry.
CClassi
[punches him] I will bust yo' fuckin' ass! [punches him again] I will bust yo' f**kin' nose! I ain't no Mimsy, asshole! [punches him repeatedly] I'm a clasy bitch! And I do not, want ads, controllin' my news! [she lets a thoroughly beaten Nathan slide to the floor]
CClassi
You need my help? You got it!
I need your phone to call Officer Barbrady. And we have to get to that gun show, fast!
CClassi
Quick! To the Classi mobile!
Alright everyone, listen up. I don't know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of all the hate speech and microaggressions against our species. We have a new enemy out there. An almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased they actually think we should all die. They are trying to attract our youth using tactics that are underhanded and unfair. But no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our PC. And so I have been asked to stay on as your principal. A lot of changes will happen in the coming months. The bottom line is that the only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who don't is that we have the burning desire for social justice. We are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, non-biased, and politically correct as possible.
[to his friends] This is going to be really hard.
