South Park · Season 2
Kiss Bebe on the lips.
What? I'm not kissing a girl!
Don't be a chicken dude, just close your eyes.
[Kyle hesitates, then relaxes. Bebe moves forward and plants a kiss on his lips]
Sick! Fucking sickening! [Kyle runs out of the tree house, Bebe stares]
Wow, look at that ass! Shake it, baby!!
[Bebe tries to pass a note to Kyle from across the room]
Stanley, are you passing notes to Kyle?
No, I just--
Don't lie! Lying makes you sterile!
I'm not lying! Someone just handed me--
Stanley, if you think it's so important to keep interrupting my class, then why don't you come up to the front and read your note to Kyle for everyone to hear.
But I didn't write the note!
Mr. Garrison, Stan's behavior is having an adverse effect on my education.
Shut up, Cartman!
Stanley Marsh, you come up here right now and read your note!
"Dear Kyle, you have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perk cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity." Whoa, dude!
Now, young man, uh... ...school is a time for learning, not for immature skylarkings.
What's skylarkings?
You know, like tomfooleries.
Who?
[Someone knocks on Mr. Mackey's door and open Mr. Mackey's door]
Oh, your parents are here.
[Randy and Sharon enter]
Oh, no.
Thank you for coming on such short notice. I was just disciplining your son for his skylarkings.
Stanley, I... Skylarkings?
Yeahm'kay?
Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.
Randy, let me handle this. Now Stanley, I want you to explain to me why you were passing notes in school.
It wasn't my note, dude. It was some girl's.
Okay, Stanley, we're all here to get to the root of your behavior disorder.
You really should know better, Stanley.
You need to shape up, mister.
[To Randy.] Don't interrupt me! You always interrupt me when I talk! Can't you see that I?--
[A bit testily.] I don't interrupt you.
There, you did it again! [To Mr. Mackey.] He interrupted me again.
Okay, uh -- perhaps you should let your wife finish talking, Mr. Marsh. Now, Stan, I want you to be...
Okay, I'm sorry I interrupt. But she always takes over any conversation!
[the boys have decided to enter Cartman into a bull riding contest]
What the hell makes you think "Cartman rides a bull?"
[throttling Cartman by his neck, through gritted-in-fury teeth] Because you spent all of our money on those stupid rides, fatass! Now, either you're getting on a bull or I'm gonna BREAK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OPEN!!!!
O-kay, I'll get on a bull.
All right! Now, come on! We have to practice!
[To Cartman.] He really wants those dolls.
I guess, damn!
That ride wasn't very good.
Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.
You're right. I'm sorry, honey, I'll try and have a good time.
Young man, you can't just go declaring Shenanigans on innocent people. That's how wars get started.
Sorry, Officer Buttbaby.
Barbrady.
Oh, I'm sorry. What did I say?
You said "Buttbaby".
Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend has suffered head trauma.
Stan What's the matter with him.
Well, apparently, he thinks he's a Vietnamese prostitute named Ming Li.
..Oh.
But can he still ride a bull?
What?
We need him to win a bull-riding contest so we can get Terrance and Phillip dolls. Can he still do it?
No, boys! You need to take him home and let him get plenty of sleep.
Damn it!
[After finally winning Terrance and Phillip dolls in a rigged carnival game, Stan and Kyle are shocked to see them fall to pieces in their hands.]
What the-?
Dude, these dolls are cheap rip-offs!
After all that?! Shenanigans! Shenanigans! SHENANIGAAAANS!
Two million dollars?! The only way I can raise that kind of money is by whoring myself to every woman in town!
Wow! Elton John's house is bigger than Cartman's ass!
No it isn't, you guys.
[repeated line]
I AM ABOVE THE LAW!
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it: That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talking about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Look at the monkey! Look at the silly monkey! [jury member's head explodes]
Dude, why is your store called the Indian Burial Ground Pet Store?
Well, there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.
So you just built your store on top of an Indian burial ground?
Hell no! I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them, and then buried them again upside-down.
Why?
Why? I don't know why, I was drunk!
Did you get the pumpkin, Kenny?
Uh-huh. [puts a squash on the table]
What the heck is that?
It's all I could afford!
[singing] You guys are my best friends
Through thick and thin, we've always been together
Four of kind, having fun all day
Palling around, and laughing away
Just best friends, best friends are we!
I love you, guys.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
