Wendy quotes from South Park

[fake coughing] Slut! Slut!

Ms. Ellen, can I talk to you?

Of course, Wendy.

I couldn't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend, Stan.

Well, I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so young, and cute, and full of life...

Can I tell you something, Ms. Ellen?

Of course, Wendy.

Don't fuck with me!

What?!

You heard me! Stay away from my man, Bitch, or I'll whoop your sorry ho-ass back to last year! [sweetly] Bye, Ms. Ellen!

Kyle

[to Stan] Dude, I aced that test! I'm gonna win that dinner with Ms. Ellen!

Stan

No, you're not; I don't think I missed any!

Hi, Stan.

Stan

[not paying attention to Wendy] I bet I scored a hundred!

HI, STAN!

Stan

Oh, hey, Wendy.

I was just in the bathroom, and Ms. Ellen was in there taking the biggest dump I've ever seen!

Kyle

No, she wasn't!

Yes, she was!

Stan

That's impossible!

Well, she did! And she has horrible, horrible gas, too! She says she can't control it!

Cartman

Nuh-uh!

It smelled like a dead calf rotting in the hot sun!

Kyle

Oh, cool!

Cartman

Wendy, seriously, you need to stop with this whole jealousy thing.

Kyle

Yeah, you're acting like a freak, Wendy.

NO I'M NOT ACTING LIKE A FREEEAAAAK!

Cartman

Hey, man, somebody's gotta pull that monkey out of Wendy's ass.

(cheerfully) Bye bye, Miss Ellen!

Kyle

Wendy! You didn't!

(sing-songy) I told her~... (Intensely, with crazy eyes) Don't. Fuck. With. Wendy. TESTABURGER!

Kiss Bebe on the lips.

Kyle

What? I'm not kissing a girl!

Stan

Don't be a chicken dude, just close your eyes.

Kyle

Sick! Fucking sickening! [Kyle runs out of the tree house, Bebe stares]

Bebe

Wow, look at that ass! Shake it, baby!!

I requested to be in shop class, but they sent me here.

That's right, Wendy. You see, some of you girls will go on to have interesting jobs and careers. But all of you pretty ones won't have to worry about that, because you can marry a nice man. And that's why we have home EC.

Okay, children, I want it quiet! [the class is quiet] Now, we're gonna try this again until we get it right! What is six times three?

Stan

Juuhachi desu ka?

Juuhachi da ne!

No, goddamn it, it's 18!

Stan

Juuhachi is 18, Garrison-san.

For the last time, my name is not Garrison-San, all right? And this is not Hat-San! And you all better start talking in a manner that I can understand!

Cartman

Ooh, Garrison-san sabuchii da na.

What did he say?!

Stan

He said, Garrison-San sabuchii da na.

Sou desu nee!

Damn it, this is not Japan!

Cartman

Minata! Kite kite, churi! [farts; the class laughs]

Dare ga pu shita no.

ARRGGHHH!!!

Bebe...I'm attracted to Cartman.

Bebe

Aaaaaaahhh!

I know...

Miiis-suuus Landers was a health nut. She cooked food in a wok.

Cartman

Thanks, Wendy. Don't call us, we won't call you neither.

[at the helm of a gun turret] Stay away from us, bastards! We don't want to get pregnant!

Bebe

Yeah! Just take your diseases and go away forever!

Stan

Ha! They're your diseases!

Kyle

Yeah! You get out of town!

Cartman

Here, talk to them, Butters.

Butters

[lifts up his mask] Uh, me? Huh, what the heck am I supposed to say?

Cartman

Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.

Butters

[lowers his mask and speaks into the mike in a deep, raspy voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.

Kyle

[to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.

Jimmy

Hey uh-Wen, hey wu-Wendy.

Yeah?

Jimmy

Stan says you're a cont... you're a, cont... Stan says you're a... cont, cont [sounding like cunt]

Well tell Stan to fuck off! [leaves]

Jimmy

Cont...continuing source of inspiration to him.

Now put yourself in the shoes of a Muslim. It's Friday night, but you can't have sex, and you can't jack off. There's sand in your eyes and probably in the crack of your ass, and then some cartoon comes along from a country where people are getting laid, and mocks your prophet. Well, you know what? I'd be pretty pissed off too!

Cartman

Mr. Garrison, that is ignorant and racist! Muslims are mad because of Family Guy, not because they can't jack off! Right, Wendy? [Wendy is surprised]

...Yeah.

[Wendy has just revealed their secret] You just couldn't let it go.

[surprised] What do you mean? Call the girls in!

I'm afraid we can't do that, Wendy.

Did you know, Wendy, that Clyde's father owns the shoe store in the mall? A lot of us have wanted to date Clyde to get free shoes, but we couldn't, because he wasn't...popular enough!

[horrified] You knew!

[takes a package out of a file] Unfortunately, the members voted Clyde in the bottom five of the list. That's why we had to manipulate the votes, forge a new list and hide the real one. [points to the package]

[angry] So that you could all justify dating Clyde and get shoes?! How dare you take advantage of your position! I'm going to tell Bebe and have you both DE-sparkled from the list committee!

Bebe? Who do you think authorized the buyout? [shocking music plays]

No, not Bebe.

She's dating Clyde now! Nobody loves shoes more than her!

Stan

[confused] What's going on?

When the other girls find out you ignored their votes they're gonna--

You really think they'll believe you over the heads of the Committee? We'll simply generate a new list, "biggest liars," and put you at the top!

Do yourself a favor, Wendy! Just let it go, and keep your little mouth shut!

[coldly] I don't think so. [kicks Lola in the crotch, making her drop the list] Stan, run!

Stan

Jesus, dude! [runs after Wendy]

Stan, it's been really great hanging out with you again. [Stan smiles] I feel like you've changed somehow [Stan smiles more broadly] in a really awesome way.

Stan

Yeah, well I guess a lot of things...change, don't they?

Kyle

You know, I'm glad this is over, but I feel like everyone is gonna wish they knew who was really last on the list.

Well, I guess we'll never know...except that I looked and it was Cartman.

Cartman

This is bull-crap!

Butters

[yelling from across the cafeteria and laughing] Hey ugly ugly! Did Adolf Hitler launch a Blitzkrieg across your face?

Cartman

Oh, well, that's fine! What really matters is the kind of person I am on the inside! [realizes what kind of person he is and gets dejected] Oh, goddammit. [bumps his head on the table. The kid that asked for Kyle's pickle earlier in the episode flat-out steals the pickle from Cartman's tray]